Happy Holidays

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Father_Frost_(fairy_tale)
With any luck, next year at this time we will be preparing for the arrival of Father Frost. I wish everyone the happiest of holidays and a wonder-filled new year!

Kindness of "Strangers"

Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness. - Seneca, Roman Philosopher

Grateful

I am deeply touched by all of your kind words in response to my post about my grandmother. I was amazed by the comments and emails that I received. I am so fortunate that I was able to visit my grandmother while she is still lucid. I was able to tell her how grateful I am to her and how much I love her. As I was driving home I felt such a sense of peace because I was able to tell her everything that I felt.

I am often amazed by the kindness and generosity of people I have met through blogs and message boards. I recently solicited some advice from people I know online and I received the most speedy, heartfelt, thoughtful and helpful replies. Adoption can be isolating in that it isn't the common way that families are built. Having this community makes me feel less isolated in this journey that is so difficult (yet exciting!) to make. Thank you so much!

Three Cheers for Mr. Hershey

Snacktime at our house

Luca: "Who made the chocolate?"
Me: "Hershey's."
Luca: "Well, he's my guy."

A Tribute to my Grandmother

Tomorrow I will go say good-bye to my grandmother. She has been diagnosed with cancer and has a very short time to live.

She has spent most of her life nurturing people and places before psychologists made a big deal out of nurturing. She is mother to 9 children, dozens of grandchildren and a handful of great grandchildren - "Saskia" will soon join this generation. I am sad that she will not know her because she is an amazing person. I have been thinking about making the trip to Indiana for the holidays next year and introducing my grandmother to her new great-granddaughter.

When I was with my grandmother, I felt like I mattered. I sat on a high stool in the kitchen while she cooked endless meals. We played Yahtzee together . . . I even watched soaps with her! She always included me in whatever she was doing and she made me feel loved. This attention, this love has given me the strength to persevere and live through difficult times. These were simple, everyday actions that made a huge difference in my life. I am grateful to her for just being there . . . I am so very fortunate to be her granddaughter.

Where in the world is "Saskia"

The wheel of fate is spinning - round and round it goes . . . where it stops, nobody knows. Saskia may have been born today or yesterday or tomorrow. Where is she? Currently, our agency works in:

• Akol
• Almaty
• Astana
• Essik
• Koksheteau
• Petropavlovsk
• Karaganda
• Stepnogorsk
• Tshchuchinsk
• Taldy Korgan
• Taraz
• Uralsk

So, at least we have her location (or location-to-be) narrowed down a bit. Where did you (or will you) go to meet your little one? If you have already been there, what is it like?

P.S. I want to draw your attention to the "Packing Checklist" link under "Resources" on the right. This "mother of all packing lists" was provided by and approved for posting by Jennifer. Thanks! Now I can shop . . . and shop . . . and . . . . . . shop.

The Fine Art of Paperwork

Smooth sailing
For the most part, gathering the needed documents for our dossier was not difficult. Our agency does not require a lot. I have a few tips (and debaucles) for any PAPs who are chipping away at their mound of paper.

1. Bind it. I labeled a binder and placed a checklist of documents needed, a calendar for 4 months and plastic sleeves for each document needed inside. I labeled each sleeve with the name of the contents it did or would contain. This helped immensely.

2. Copy (or scan) often. By the time we received our last piece of paper, I had almost everything scanned into PDF format and the copies printed using our home printer. It still took the good part of the morning to assemble the dossier, but it went together easily and in an organized fashion.

3. Be crystal clear. My doctor (and our banker and mortgage company) had never filled out paperwork for an international adoption. Write out detailed instructions for everyone who has to produce a letter for you. See below:

4. Expedite when you can.

5. Read and re-read what you need before you go. I had to get two blood tests because I did not re-read requirements before I went to the doctor's office.

6. Open a FedEx account. This made things so much easier! And, using FedEx is not as costly as I believed.

7. Guard it . . . with your life. We took the dossier with us when we went on trips. You could also keep it in a safe deposit box.

8. Keep track of birthdays. Track the age of your documents using a spreadsheet. Our agency required documents to be less than 3 months old at the time of submission so this helped me make sure everything was within that time frame.

9. Ask when licenses expire (home study agency, doctors). Agencies have different requirements for the expiration of licenses. Find out and ask your coordinator if there is a problem.

10. Ask questions on listservs and to others who are in process. This helped immensely! THANKS everyone!

A Few Ripples
Just a few random, RIDICULOUS things . . .

1. Make sure everything is notarized exactly to your state's specifications. The notary's stamp on our mortgage document did not have a BORDER around it, thus no Apostille for that document. See post written on 10/20. I don't know how I would have know that was an issue. There wasn't anything written about it in the Secretary of State's pamphlet. I guess I could have called, but I doubt that would have revealed too much more. This was not a huge deal. We just had to request the mortgage letter for a third time.

2. The state of Indiana does not Apostille birth certificates issued by the counties . . . they only certify those generated by the STATE. I don't know if I want to waste anymore virtual ink on this one. Why would the state have TWO different birth certificates?! AND, only Apostille ONE?

3. Our I171H took about 7 weeks, which wasn't all that ridiculous. But, the wait was excruciating. We had everything ready to go and all we could get from USCIS was that we were in line.

Basically, it took us 3 1/2 months to gather our paperwork - not bad.

Does anyone have any tips or experiences to share?

Gender bending

Don't you want something else, honey?
I have a confession to make. When Luca asks for anything "girly" I try to tempt him with something else - something that is more gender neutral or "boy-y." But, the fact is Luca loves girls and women. He has been charming women as long as I can remember. The summer he turned 2, we were in our local fruit and vegetable market and he climbed up on to a bench where an attractive young girl sat. He looked up at her with his big blue eyes and a huge smile and said rather boldly "What's YOUR name?" Historically, he has not given men (except his dad) the time of day.

So, why should I be surprised he watches Barbie videos when he visits his grandma. Or that he wanted a plastic Barbie toothbrush holder when we went to the grocery store today. We were standing in front of the kid's bubble bath and I said, "Pick one." And, he chose this silly Barbie toothbrush stand with pink & purple toothbrushes (why this was in the middle of the bubbles, I don't know). I said "no" mostly because I am morally opposed to poorly produced, useless pieces of plastic (not to mentioned the perpetuation of the idea of such a narrowly defined ideal woman), but there was a small part of me that wanted to steer him towards the "Cars" bubbles because they are more gender appropriate. I feel the same about the Barbie video. I don't forbid it, but I don't encourage it either.

What's good for one is not good for the other
I think and read a lot about gender. I wrote my thesis on feminist art. I teach a class about women artists and deal with the image of women in culture in an introductory class about visual culture. When I was pregnant with Luca I mistakenly thought he was a she. I thought about what it would be like to raise a girl in the United States today. I thought about the idealized (or unidealized - thanks, Britney & Paris & Nicole) images she would feel that she had to live up to . . . the limitations she may have to face in her professional career. I worried. But, one thing I did not think about was confining her to gender-specific toys or even clothes. When Saskia comes home, I think I will be proud if she picks the "Cars" bubble bath and plays in the dirt and wears overalls. It seems the society we live in is more okay with girls crossing gender lines. In some ways women have more freedom that way - perhaps because it is a symbolic grab for power.

But, when my little boy reaches for the Barbie bubble bath it is a demotion . . . a step down, so to speak. He looked at the rubber and plastic figure that contains berry-scented bubble bath and said, "Isn't she beautiful?" I nodded my head in affirmation and put her in the cart.

The first trip to the land of Kaz

Translation
Our adoption coordinator emailed on Monday to say that the dossier passed inspection and will be sent for translation by the end of the week. I have to say that I didn't even think of it not being okay. That may have sent me over the edge . . . "I need to get another WHAT?" But, alas, everything was good. It will take 1-2 months for translation.

Errands?
On Monday I picked Luca up from school and we went to Schnucks (a grocery store based in St. Louis that I identify for effect - it usually makes people laugh or furrow their brow at the very least) for a few things to tide us over until I have time to go for a "real" trip. Bananas are key in Luca's life. I really do think his daily banana consumption is one of the reasons why he is so darned healthy. Anyway, from the back seat comes the question, "Will Saskia go on errands with us?" As usual, I am dumbstruck by what is going on in his head. And, again I think "Where did that come from?" It was kind of sweet though . . . him sitting back there thinking of life with Saskia.

Twiddling my thumbs
Okay. Not really, but here comes the question that so many have asked. What to do NOW? I am over the post-dossier-submission glow and am wondering what we should be doing over the next 6 months or so. Can you help me make a list? This is what I have so far:

The stats

First home study visit: 8/1/2007

Dossier sent: 11/21/2007

Size of bundle of joy: 8 1/2" wide, 11" tall, 3" thick weighing in at ~4lbs.

Note: I intended to count the pieces of paper - one completed dossier with 4 copies - but in my excitment to get it out, I forgot. I guess I can just say LOTS of paper.

Number of gray hair: a big clump (speaking of lots!)

Note: I look in the mirror at my shiny gray hairs with much fascination. I don't dislike them. They are something new. I can blame 3 1/2 months of paperwork gathering or my students this semester or . . . gulp! . . . my age.

So, it is with much relief that I report to you that we sent our bundle of joy to our agency yesterday. We stopped in Springfield on the way to my family's house to acquire our last Apostille on the I171H. It meant more time in the car - an 8 hour day - but I was ready to stop guarding that stack of papers from passing glasses of liquid, cups of coffee . . . fire. I was ready for the first trimester to be over - and it WAS like the first trimester. I was so full of fear and hope and trepidation.

And, it sounds like it will take 6 months for our paperwork to incubate into a real, live baby girl. Our coordinator speculates that we will travel in May or June (which would be PERFECT, but I am not counting on it, I swear).

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone - here and abroad (where it isn't even Thanksgiving anymore!). Thanks so much for all of the support - I love the great comments and emails. You have helped more than you know.

Reasons to be thankful this week

• Scott & Luca
• Family & friends
• OUR @^%)_+_)&#@!! I171H!
  
  I wish this post could be more creative and better written but I just don't have the presence of mind to do that because WE FINALLY GOT THAT ONE LAST PIECE OF PAPER! I cannot tell you how relieved I am. I cannot tell you how much this convinces me that this WILL happen. I wish I could explain why this is the point at which I start believing . . . why this point marks the beginning. It just does. And, now, I can allow myself to dream about "Saskia."
  
  I could not be more thankful!

Parenting in the 21st Century

Choices
Someone, a very nice lady, told me that she would like to clone me . . . for my parenting choices. I was stunned. And, in fact did not think she was talking to me when she made the statement.

Parenting today is rife with choices. Who knew? The question of toys with or without batteries did not enter into our family planning discussions. From the day Luca was conceived we have had to make what seems to be a million choices. And everyone - particularly those not currently involved in child-rearing - has an opinion. For brevity's sake, I will limit myself to post-birth choices. Breast or bottle? It seems bottle is akin to child abuse today. Cloth or disposable? Immunizations? Yes? Then, you may be putting your child at risk for autism. No? Then you are putting your child at risk for a whole host of diseases - polio, whooping cough, chicken pox to name a few. TV? Yes? Then your child may develop ADD and/or obesity issues. No? Then you may lose your mind. Toys with batteries or toys without? Our doula likened our Fisher Price Sparkling Symphony Activity Gym to "baby TV" with a grimace. When do you start cereal? Organic or not? Homemade baby food? Jarred? If jarred, what kind? Tummy time? Enough tummy time? TV yet? Computer time? If so, how much "screen time" is appropriate? Dairy or soy? Juice? According to our pediatrician juice is like crack for children. Yet, someone is always trying to give our child juice - other parents, school, etc. Again, who knew? Daycare? If you choose this option, someone may suggest that you are neglecting your child. Stay at home? If you select this option, someone may tell you that your child will be a social outcast for the rest of his life because he did not interact with other children for 8 hours a day at the ripe age of 6 months. Discipline? Yes? Aren't you being a little hard on your child by putting him in time out? No? Why aren't you establishing boundaries for your child? School? When? Home school? Public school? Tiny little hippy school? Montessori (a bit different from tiny little hippy school)? Waldorf?

So, you get the picture. And, I am a person who hesitates when confronted with the question "Paper or plastic?".

In defense of cloning
On Friday, Luca and I went to our local food co-op for our Friday lunch date. Luca always has cheese pizza and an oatmeal raisin cookie and watches the cars outside while he eats his lunch. Upon meeting someone, he often asks what kind of car they drive. He or she may respond by saying "a small one" or "a big one" or "a blue one." But, he wants specifics. A Honda Civic? A Toyota Prius? Isn't that a hybrid? The boy has a passion for cars. Anyway, Luca spilled a cup of water. I calmly got up and asked him to help me clean it up. And, he did. The woman at the next table said, "I would like to clone you." I heard her and smiled and went back to cleaning up. And she said it again with an explanation. She said she would like to clone me because I didn't get mad at Luca because he spilled the water. She said others she has seen get mad and then furiously clean it up on their own without asking the child to take some responsibility and help. I smiled again and said, "This isn't how it always goes." But, then I thanked her - profusely. It was the nicest thing I have heard in a while and it made me feel competent. It is difficult to know whether we are making the right choices and the opinions of (well-meaning) people often make me feel doubtful. But, a little positive reinforcement made me feel like I could climb mountains . . . that we can continue to make the choices that we believe are best for our family.

I suggest telling people they should be cloned often . . . you have no idea how good it will make him or her feel.

TV . . . or piñata?

Me: "Luca, please stop rolling your car on the TV screen."

Luca: "But, if it was a piñata, I could hit it [bangs car on TV screen] and candy would fall out."

How does one reply to THAT?

AH HA!

A few words about the fine art of speculating
When we started this process, I distinctly remember saying to my adoption coordinator that the process would be easy after "all that we have been through." See what happens when one says such things?! EASY. Ha. What I failed to realize at the time was that we are talking about our daughter here - that adopting our daughter would put me on edge the whole entire time . . . that this is too huge not to stress and wonder and worry every step of the way. Easy. Silly me. And, there is a small part of me that does not want to do all that paperwork all over again if our I171H takes 6 months. But, I really need to get back in touch with my organizational skills, so why not? I would love to do the paperwork all over again.

There I go tempting fate again.

Kazacutie & Gigi
I have been reminded recently why we are doing this. Jen and Marshall (see almost all comment sections - they are there encouraging and supporting us and countless other people who are or have adopted) have received the coveted LOI (letter of invitation that the Kazakh government sends to invite prospective adoptive parents to Kazakhstan to meet their child). They described it best when they compared it to the golden ticket from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. This is what we are all working towards. So, they are finally going! A) I want to wish them all of the best on their life-changing journey to meet Kazacutie and B) I want to thank them for reminding me what this is all about. It is not about getting a piece of paper. It is about adopting a child. When I see the bigger picture, everything else becomes pretty simple.

Jennifer and Jim, who adopted their daughter Gigi this past summer, are also a constant source of inspiration. They have carefully chronicled their entire journey with a sense of honesty and reverence. I am happy for them and they give me a glimpse into the possibility of our future life.

I have not really allowed myself to think of our future life with "Saskia" too much because I am incredibly cautious. I realize this cautiousness may be a detriment to getting through the process. I have allowed myself to wonder about things like sleeping arrangements. I was thinking that Luca and "Saskia" could share a room for a while because perhaps hearing another child in the room would calm her during the night . . . because this is what she is used to in the baby house. Any thoughts?

Happiness is . . .

Autumn leaves

"Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn."
- Elizabeth Lawrence

. . . which is what we did yesterday. I was feeling so reflective. I was so close to surrendering to the adoption process (until this morning - more on that later). We had such a good time raking the leaves. Luca loved rolling around in the pile and throwing leaves with abandon. He also went on multiple leaf scavenger hunts (for example, find 20 red leaves with 5 points). It was such a nice day.

Tamales
Scott and I spent the afternoon making tamales. We used the dough from this recipe and two fillings from Rick Bayless's Mexican Kitchen (spicy mushroom chile & black bean). I made the salsa roja from Fields of Greens. Sorry. I am a bit of a food nut. I won't bore you with the rest of the menu. I am happy to report that the tamales were amazing unless you are a 4 year-old. If that is the case, you may say "Bleck!" when required to eat one bite of a "specially-prepared-for-you" cheese-only tamale and opt for the back-up grilled cheese.

A Screeching Halt
Yesterday, I was thinking that, yes, happiness is also a screeching halt in one's life. The screeching halt here is, of course, the adoption process. Here our many pieces of paper sit all dressed up (with Apostilles) with nowhere to go. Wednesday will mark the second week our home study has been at USCIS. I have been doing lots of "why-ing" and "should-ing" and all around "poor-me-ing." This morning I almost cried because I was so frustrated. But, really, I am going to stop now. Happiness can be a screeching halt in the process because this is just how it is. Does that make any sense? One would think that, by now, I would understand that I have very little control over things that happen. I need to remind myself of that over and over and over. Happiness is accepting that I have little control . . .

I can, however, be prepared. Our agency does require that everything except for birth certificates/marriage licenses be less than 3 months old. Almost all of our documents are from September/October except the FBI clearance. I think I am going to go ahead and get the clearance done again just in case.

Kids from Kazakhstan
Have you seen this calendar? Isn't it adorable?!

P.S. I have entered the world of links. Can you tell?

Ominous

Persona non grata?
I emailed USCIS starting on Sunday and each email I sent got kicked back - a "user unknown" message. I started to wonder if they had blocked my email. I swear, I have emailed them only twice. I received another contact email from our state's international adoption group. That one worked . . . and today I received this in reply:

"We received your home study on 10/24/2007. Your case will be reviewed in the order it was received."

Sounds kind of ominous, huh? I read it to mean "there are about a 1000 cases and you are number 999." Call me an optimist.

Our FBI fingerprint clearance will be 3 months old on 11/17. I wonder if we should get new. Any thoughts?

The Apostilles are here though. I am going to go home and look at them and visualize our I171H traveling speedily from 101 West Congress Parkway to our mailbox.

I dream of a FEDEX truck

Apostilles!
They have been mailed and are on their way. They are in Champaign to be exact! I just spoke to my mother on the phone and she asked about the adoption. I just felt so frustrated because I want to get this mound of paper out of our house . . . I want to be officially waiting, to be in line, to be paperwork pregnant, to have this off of our plate, to let the pieces fall where they may. Can you think of any other cliches? I just want to be done with this part of the journey already! So, I checked our FedEX account once more and was so pleasantly surprised to find that the 1.1 pound package was sent on Friday.

From my estimation, we are at about 9 pounds and an I171H shy of a bouncing baby girl.

Inching forward

Progress (at what feels like a snail's pace)
We received the mortgage letter with border on Tuesday. It is now at the Secretary of State's office with the other documents.

It is a wondrous sight, isn't it? All squiggly and border-like. We have about 10 letters from our mortgage company in the binder.

October 31 is my self-imposed deadline for submitting the dossier. I don't think we are going to make it because we still don't have the I171H. And, despite the fact that the Secretary of State has the new, improved mortgage letter, as of this morning, our Apostilles had not left the building. Sigh.

Gardener or Ghost?

On to much more entertaining news - our dear Luca told us he wanted to be a gardener when he grows up and for Halloween. Both Scott & I love to work outside, so I think that is so sweet. Kids do pay attention! But, as of last night, he said he wanted to be a ghost for Halloween. From gardener to ghost - the mind of a 4 year old is so very amazing.

Last year, he was an astronaut and we were his earth and moon.

Happy Halloween!

No border!

No border

So, you PAPs & APs out there will completely understand this . . . others may find it absolutely insane. As stated in the previous post, I sent roughly 16 documents to the state to be Apostilled. They arrived this past Monday. How many times a day can a person check their FedEx account? Lots, I tell you. Lots. I got a call on Thursday from the Secretary of State's office letting me know that one of the documents cannot be Apostilled because the notary's stamp does not have a BORDER around it. Everything else is there . . . but . . . THE BORDER. Why would they even sell stamps that don't have a border at the notary store?! And, it is our mortgage letter - the one that we had to get redone. The woman was nice enough to contact the notary who broke the notary law of borders and asked her to send a new document directly to the Secretaty of State. I will check on the situation at the beginning of the week.

We have been endorsed!

All of the above doesn't matter a heck of a lot because we still don't have our I171H. I checked on that in the middle of the week only to find that DCFS had not given us their stamp of approval yet. Long story short - immigration now requires approval from Illinois DCFS (Department of Child & Family Services) before they issue the coveted I171H. But, the following day, our social worker sent me an email letting me know that she received our endorsment and was sending it on to Immigration. I am envisioning a day - maybe a week or two from now - when I open our mailbox and a stream of adoption documents pours out.

The dossier takes another trip

I have now started to refer to the dossier as our other child. It has now made its way to visit its grandparents-to-be and great grandparents-to-be. My grandparents are celebrating their 65th wedding anniversary with family and friends tomorrow - 65 years, 9 kids, more grandkids than I can count, and even some great grandkids (soon one from Kazakhstan). Happy anniversary to two extraordinary people!

Off to Apostille

Most of our documents are now entrusted to this man - Jesse White, Illinois Secretary of State. May they all be to his liking. May they return to us properly Apostilled quickly. If there was an altar to a paperwork god/goddess, I would leave an offering.

And, now, about that I-171H . . .

The race is on . . .

For Luca

Luca loves cars (and Cars), so I had to use a picture of Lightning McQueen for this entry. And, now that I am thinking about it, Cars is a good metaphor for the adoption process. Pretty funny, huh? I am an art historian - unfortunately, I can find symbolism in just about everything. My eye-rolling students can tell you that. Humor me. Lightning starts out very sure of himself - he only has his eye on winning. Sometimes I feel like I only have my eye on getting done with the adoption only to forget to enjoy the process and people (my, I have been pretty anxious and cranky and annoyed lately). But, that is what Lightning learns. He is forced to learn this in his detour in Radiator Springs. He finds out people (or I should say cars) are important and the value is in the journey. The journey changed him for the better. It turned him into a compassionate car because in the end he chose to help The King rather than win the race. The end wasn't how he envisioned it, but it was still good. So, I am trying to get in touch with my inner Lightning and realize that I need to learn to be okay with the process and trust that the end will be good no matter what.

The process

So, we had our medical evaluations filled out and signed - that was miraculous actually. My traveling notary seemed a bit flaky, but she came through. I had to request new marriage licenses because the ones we have are too old (March). I am so glad that I saw Susan's comment about that somewhere because I don't think this information was in my manual. But, I do feel like I am checking off things and adding them at the same rate. I planned to send everything off to be Apostilled at once, but now I think I will send what I have just in case there are any problems. Then I can get those taken care of before the end of the month. And, what else do I have to do while I wait for the coveted I-171H?

I-171H Envy

I just read about someone getting theirs in a week! Okay. I know. I just wrote an entire paragraph about enjoying the process. Alison, who has helped me immensely, advised me not to harass immigration for the I171H, so I can take that off my to-do list.

After we come home

I have really appreciated reading about people's honest experiences after the honeymoon is over, so to speak. Thanks, Jennifer! I am glad to be somewhat prepared for the issues particular to children who have been raised in an institution. Of course, we researched this before we started the process, but it is so helpful reading honest accounts of the experiences real families. And, I continue to be amazed by the similarities between raising biological and adopted children.

Until next time . . .

The BINDER

The egg project from high school
Did you have to take care of an egg as a project in high school? It must have been some educator's idea of teaching responsibility or even rudimentary parenting skills. I have to interject that it would not be all that effective since the egg does not want to eat every 5 minutes and does not scream and cry for no apparent reason. Actually, I didn't do this . . . I only saw it on some sitcom like the Brady Bunch. But, I feel like I am doing it now with this binder of papers and Great seals and identity documents.

We took a weekend trip to see Scott's family and I took the binder with us in case our house burned down. If that happened, we would be homeless, but we would still have our adoption dossier! I didn't really want to admit it to Scott. But, I did. Then he brought it in the house at night so it would not get stolen from the car. So, we are getting an A+ on the egg project so far! Only a few more weeks to go!

It was nice to get out of the routine of daily life, though. I really think I needed some perspective here. It is so hard when you are in the middle of something - gathering paper and freaking out about the future - to stay calm and find a sense of humor. If I have learned anything the last 3 years, it is that one controls so little! It is that illusion that always trips me up.

This is THE week!
Tomorrow, we both have our medical forms filled out and notarized. It seems like we have been going to the doctor for 2 months now - physical, TB and blood tests. It is hard to believe that we will actually have those forms done tomorrow.

Somewhere Susan posted that she needs to get a more recent copy of her marriage license and now I am thinking that I should just go ahead and do that because we got ours way back in March.

I Love Blogs!
All of you adoption bloggers are keeping me sane. Thanks!

Mortgage Company came through!

So close!
So, we only have to have the medical forms filled out and receive the I-171H. I think immigration & IL DCFS have had our paperwork for about a week. Then, off to Apostille. I will also be copying things tomorrow. Thanks for the suggestion to copy before all of the annoying staples.

We're Going Where?
This week I started getting a bit freaked out by the prospect of the trip. I have traveled a bit - even lived in London for 6 months. Before we went there, we were under the impression that they had nothing. I think my dear friend Karen filled her suitcase with Noxema because she feared they wouldn't have any and she had a bit of an addiction. We had to laugh at ourselves when we got there and saw the 2 Burger Kings (a sure sign of civilization - HA!) directly across the street from one another. Well, that was 18 years ago. And, this time we are actually going to the other side of the world where we don't even know the language - although I do plan to try to learn some Russian before we go. Traveling is exhilarating and absolutely exhausting at the same time. I mean I actually have to think about everything - directions, communication, clean water, food - so many things that are automatic when I am at home. And then there is the roller coaster ride of the intricacies international adoption . . . anyone else freaking out?

Okay . . . so I have lost my positive attitude

Can you help me find it under all this paperwork?
The last two months I have been amazingly positive. I have said things like, "Oh, this really is not that bad." And, "They really don't need that much. What they need makes perfect sense." And, "What is everyone complaining about?" You can all say "HA!" now. I guess now that it has gotten down to the wire I am panicking a bit. I have made multiple checklists, printed out a calendar, flipped through my 3-ring binder that holds our dossier about a million times . . . but the fact is, it isn't done!

What remains?

• mortgage letter
• medicals (my doctor does not have a notary in office so I have to try to locate a traveling one today)
• i-171H
• Then, Apostilling & copying everything

An amazing act of kindness

I have to say that I am completely touched by someone who has offered to take my documents to get Apostilled in Chicago. Someone I only know in cyberspace . . . but can you believe that? Isn't that the kindest, most generous offer?

Comments

The comments in response to my last post really did cheer me up this weekend. Thanks so much! And, when I saw Gia's little face I had to smile! If that isn't encouragement, I don't know what is!

So, I just had to vent . . . I have a plan for the week. I can only do what I can do, right?

The Home Study is DONE!

Continuing to feel really sappy . . .

I can't help it! The leaves are starting to turn here and I realized that (MAYBE) when I see them again we will have our DAUGHTER home with us!


The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Our home study is complete and was sent off to USCIS (Immigration) this week. That is the last piece of paperwork the government needs to approve our application to adopt internationally. The form we will receive is called the I171 and it is an important part of our dossier. We also received letters from our employer and Apostilled marriage licenses this week. I had some bloodwork done as well. The medical part seems complicated because we have to have some blood tests, then the doctor has to fill out the paperwork and we have to have it notarized in the office.

As anyone who has been through adoption will tell you, you can't expect a completely smooth process. We did hit a couple of glitches this week. I also sent my birth certificate to Indiana to get Apostilled and it was returned with a note attached explaining that they don't Apostille birth certificates issued by COUNTIES, only the STATE. My mother nicely picked up a stack of birth certificates for me this summer, yet they cannot be Apostilled. So, I had to request STATE birth certificates through vitalcheck.com. After all was said and done (express mail, birth certificates, and other mystery fees), we paid $43.45 for 2 Apostilled Indiana STATE birth certificates. I would have never seem this one coming, but as I wrote, not a huge deal. We received our letter from our mortgage company, but have to re-request that because the notary's license expires at the end of January. Ideally, they want any notary's license to be good for at least a year after s/he signs the document. This is tough to request - to have something notarized by someone whose notary does not expire for a year. And I realized that I need MORE bloodwork done for the medical exam. I have been to the doctor once a week for the last month or so. I think her nurse is getting tired of my messages!

One of the last pieces

Tomorrow I am going to the bank to get the reference letter from them. That is one of the last pieces of paper I have to request. Everything else is in the works.

So, we continue to eat that elephant one bite at a time . . . one bite.

Apostille

Making Progress
Here is an Apostille! This one is attached to our FBI background checks. An Apostille is basically an international notary. Practically every document that goes into our dossier has to be Apostilled - so far we have gotten this one, Scott's birth certificate and our adoption agency's license. Paperwork - exciting stuff! This last week I requested letters from our employer and mortgage company. Almost everything else is in process. We have to finish our medical tests and request a letter from our bank. So, we are still moving and are (hopefully!) on target.

MARCH?!
I spoke with our adoption coordinator on Friday. I told her that we haven't bought any clothes for "Saskia" yet and she could not believe that I have been able to control myself. She said that we could expect to travel in March/April, so I could buy something for the summer. Now, I am getting butterflies! March/April - that is not that far away. The process has really flown by so far. I am sure waiting for our travel dates and letter of invitation from the Kazakhstan government slows time down quite a bit.

Peace
I have also gotten a bit reflective about adoption - about having the 2nd child that we have longed for for the past 3 years. We have experienced multiple losses - neonatal death and subsequent miscarriages - and it is hard to believe that this difficult road is coming to an end. And, at the end of the road is a living child. I have started to feel a great sense of anticipation and relief that the family we have envisioned for ourselves is actually going to be a reality. That has been a difficult thing for me to believe after so much heartache and loss. So, as all this is coming together I am actually feeling a sense of peace that has eluded me since we lost Hope, Meret and Annalisa more than 2 years ago.

Another dossier?
It is hard to believe that a family could be working on more than one dossier in the same month, let alone a lifetime, but we have been! It seems like we should be working for the CIA. Scott submitted his dossier for tenure to his department on Friday! He has worked so very hard and I am so proud of all he has done. It is amazing to flip through the dossier and see all that he has accomplished! So, send good thoughts our way for tenure approval AND adoption.

Throwing problems in the trash can
So, I cannot help posting the exchange Scott just had with Luca. Luca loves toy cars about as much as he loves planets. He plays with them everyday . . . and everyday there is some tension surrounding him putting all the cars away at night. Luca asked to get his cars out and Scott said maybe he shouldn't today because he has problems putting them away at night. He protested and whined and then walked over to the trash can, opened it and said "I am throwing away my problem putting my cars away, so now I don't have it. Now I will get my cars out." How can you even begin to argue with THAT? I am inspired to literally throw my problems in the trash. It probably feels pretty good.

Until next week . . .

Quick Update

We had our last home study visit last Friday, so we are all done with that. It seems like we "passed." Thanks to those who wrote recommendations for us. Our social worker said, "They all think you are great!" We told her we wanted to have our dossier in by the end of October and she said that seems reasonable.

Now comes the fun part . . . gathering the rest of the multitude of documents we need! We have waited to do this because Kazakhstan is adamant about the documents being less than 3 months old when we submit our dossier.

So, not a lot to report . . . more paperwork gathering.

Fingerprints

Both Scott and I have been fingerprinted 3 times - twice the old-fashioned way and once digitally. We went to USCIS in St. Louis Friday morning for the digital prints. I am trying to think of how to explain how odd all of this is. I'm not sure how to put it into words. Fingerprints; physicals; a home study, letters from our bank, mortgage company and employers; passports - I guess it is hard to see a baby at the end of all of this paperwork and travel. I know it happens. I look at others' blogs often to prove that to myself. I guess "surreal" is the best word to use to describe the process.

Scott received his passport today - the post office delivered it on Sunday. We received it in less than the month that was promised by the government. Perhaps this is a good omen. "So far so good" I keep telling myself.

We seem to be in a holding pattern otherwise . . . just waiting for the last home study visit in a little less than 2 weeks.

In non-adoption news, Scott and I started school last week and Luca starts Pre-K tomorrow. I am actually grateful for the structure school provides for all of us. It makes me much more efficient. I am, at the same time, sad to say good-bye to summer. I know that in a few years, Luca will be off doing activities or hanging out with his friends. I try to treasure every moment we have together. He seems really excited to be going back to school. This year he will be in Ms. Jackson's Star classroom. The fact that he will be a "star" (he was a frog last year) is reason enough for him to celebrate because, as you may know, he LOVES space.

We took him to a party last night and his conversation starter was to thrust a Ziploc bag full of Matchbox cars at whoever would talk to him and name each of the cars and say that "some of the cars are old and a few are new." He can be a little shy - it seems that props help!

Until next week . . .

Where will Saskia come from?

See Kazakhstan? It is right there below Russia. Apparently, there is a documentary called "Long Way Round" featuring Ewan McGregor's (Star Wars fame) around the world motorcycle trip that includes a good amount of Kazakhstan. I have not seen it yet, but it sounds like a good introduction to the country.

I don't have a lot to report this week. We have an appointment to get our fingerprints done at the USCIS (U.S. Citizen and Immigration Service) a week from today. This is for our petition to adopt a foreign orphan (I-600A). I think the document basically gives us permission to conduct an international adoption. We have our home visit with our social worker scheduled for 2 weeks from today. That will be our last visit with her.

I am trying to wrap my brain around timing because when we submit all of our paperwork, nothing can be older than 3 months. We have to time the whole thing according to when we think we will receive the government documents, but we can't receive the government documents until we finish the home study and we can't finish the home study until we acquire some time senstive documents from our mortgage company, etc. Does your head hurt yet? Mine has for a few days! I would ask our social worker to clarify but I haven't even figured out what questions I need to ask! I think I need to map this whole thing out on paper. Maybe it will make sense then . . . or not!

Saskia?

Luca really is excited about having a baby sister from Kazakhstan. Maybe he thinks she will take some of the heat off of him. Can you imagine a minimum of 2 sets of eyes looking at you while you do everything? Maybe he needs some company for Pete's sake. You can talk to cats and adults for only so long, you know!

So, why is this post titled Saskia? Because we asked Luca what he wanted to name his baby sister a few weeks ago and, without blinking an eye, he said "Satsia." At least, that was what it sounded like to us! And, for the last few weeks we have been chuckling about this . . . "how did he come up with that name?" and "it sounds so Russian!" Well, Scott figured out the mystery. He was reading a book about the artist Rembrandt to Luca the other night. Rembrandt's 2nd wife was named Saskia (see above for a portrait of Rembrandt & Saskia having a good time) . . . that explains it! So, baby Saskia it is! Although, I cannot say that we will actually name the child this - we have some other names in mind - but it is good to have a working name and a name connected with Rembrandt, no less.

So, our quest for Saskia continues. We had visit #2 with our social worker on Friday. At this visit, Scott and I spoke with the social worker individually about our self-study (aka life stories). The next (and last) visit she will come down here to see our home. I plan to schedule that for the end of August. After all the visits and the background checks and the TB tests, she will write up a report that (hopefully!) reassures the Kazakhstan government that we are good parents!

Here is a site with links to blogs written by families who have adopted from Kazakhstan. They are arranged by city/region the child(ren) was adopted from. http://www.kazakhadoptivefamilies.com/families.html

Our boy is going to be 4 next weekend . . . so hard to believe! Here he is doing some experimental painting:

That is about it for now!

Home Study

People who are pregnant post ultrasound pictures, people that adopt post maps! Yesterday we went up to Edwardsville for our first home study meeting. We were pretty nervous, but someone who has already been through the process reassured us that it would be okay. And it was. We think it went well. Luca helped our cause by telling the social worker about all the planets, including Sedna, and getting upset when it was suggested that Pluto is a now minor planet. He once told me that when he grows up he is going to make Pluto bigger so it can be a planet again. Perhaps! The social worker gave us more forms - surprise! - and asked us some questions about adoption, parenting and how we will make this child part of our life. I liked answering these questions and thinking about the things we will do to make her a part of our family and teach her about her culture and ours at the same time.

As Scott said, this is getting more real every day. It is so exciting to think about our little girl out there somewhere.

We had to convince Luca that we weren't actually picking up "the baby girl" in "Kaz - nik - stan" yesterday. He was sure of it. We had lunch in Edwardsville and he told the waitress that that was what were were doing after lunch. You should have seen the waitress's face!

So, we meet the social worker 2 more times. We go up there again and she will interview us individually and then she will come down her to see us in our element. We also have to send a number of forms to her - like financial statements & medical reports - and get fingerprinted for background checks from the state of Illinois and the FBI. I want to get all of this done ASAP because we have to get the home study done before anything else can happen.

I am going to try to post some links to blogs/websites set up by those who have or are adopting from Kazakhstan. These provide great inspiration to us!

Adoption stories on NPR

NPR recently ran a series on adoption in America:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=12184872

The above photo is of Susan Cox who was adopted from Korea in the 1950s and is one of the interviewees in the series. All the interviews are really good - listen if you get a chance.

I also found this interview which is a bit older (2004), but Marie Spark and Mohan Vemulapalli succinctly summarize our reasons for choosing international adoption (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4237836 ).

And, a bit of an update - we have our first home study visit with our social worker on Wednesday!

What a difference a week makes!

When I set this blog up last week, it seemed like we were at a standstill until we had our home study completed. That is not the case!

In addition to gathering our birth certificates - we need 3 each - our social worker has advised us to file our I-600A, Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition before our home study is complete because the fees increase next week. First I was worried about submitting a document that did not have all the supporting material required, but I was reassured by some other adoptive parents that this is okay. Second, I spent the entire afternoon yesterday trying to figure out WHERE to send it! The USCIS (U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services) has a customer "service" line but it is all recorded information . . . no person in sight. The website is as vague as possible - "this office processes some forms but not all, check the form." But, the form itself did not state exactly which office to file the paperwork. The office listings don't have phone numbers! I finally figured it out in a really roundabout way.

Now, I REALLY have a great deal of respect for those who have completed the process! It took me an entire afternoon to fill out and find out where to send a 2 page form.

Luca needs a passport and Scott needs to get his renewed. Scott took Luca to Walgreens to get his picture taken yesterday (see above) and, apparently, that was a challenge. Luca did not want to hold his head the way he was supposed to and the clerk did not know how to use the camera. I'm glad I missed that outing : ).

I enjoy looking at others' adoption blogs. It has become a hobby! It is so encouraging . . . it definitely gives me hope. A couple of list serves through Yahoo! groups have also been invaluable so far.

And, we loved reading and hearing from so many people. I can't tell how much your words of support mean to us. Thanks so much!

Introduction

Today, I am excited and hopeful about our adoption plans. It actually feels like it is going to happen, so I thought I would take the momentous step of starting a blog to chronicle the process from the very beginning.

This afternoon I plan to send out our self-study to the organization that will do our home study. The self-study is a bit of a challenge and we have been working on it for a while. There are lots of questions about every aspect of our lives. They literally want to know everything beginning with our first memories (mine is sitting on Grandma Reinoehl's kitchen table getting my hair done, by the way). It is difficult to answer all of these quesions, but at the same time it has given us the opportunity to inventory our lives so to speak. I feel a sense of satisfaction looking at who we are and what we have accomplished and how we got to this point.

Of course this is just the beginning of the paperwork. There are lots of forms - forms that prove we have a house and a job and are alive. We will compile a dossier of all of these forms which can be 300 pages long! I guess it will be a paperwork pregnancy. If all goes well, we hope to travel to Kazakhstan next summer.

But I am getting ahead of myself! I intended for this to be an introduction. Scott and I met about 18 years ago - could it be that long ago?! - while we were a Indiana University. We married in 1995. Both of us teach at Southern Illinois University. I am in the School of Art & Design and Scott is in Political Science. In 2003, our son Luca was born. We absolutely love taking care of Luca and watching him grow and flourish. Becoming parents is the best thing that ever happened to us. In February of 2005, we found out we were pregnant with triplets. But, tragically, Hope, Meret and Annalisa were born prematurely at 22 weeks.

Since we lost our baby girls we have been thinking about adoption. We chose Kazakhstan because it seems the orphans there are very well taken care of. The program also seems very stable. We are requesting a girl as young as possible. More than likely she will be Kazakh, which is generally a mix of Asian and European. Here is a link to a page that outlines the process: http://www.worldpartnersadoption.org/kazakhstan.html.