Parenting in the 21st Century

Choices
Someone, a very nice lady, told me that she would like to clone me . . . for my parenting choices. I was stunned. And, in fact did not think she was talking to me when she made the statement.

Parenting today is rife with choices. Who knew? The question of toys with or without batteries did not enter into our family planning discussions. From the day Luca was conceived we have had to make what seems to be a million choices. And everyone - particularly those not currently involved in child-rearing - has an opinion. For brevity's sake, I will limit myself to post-birth choices. Breast or bottle? It seems bottle is akin to child abuse today. Cloth or disposable? Immunizations? Yes? Then, you may be putting your child at risk for autism. No? Then you are putting your child at risk for a whole host of diseases - polio, whooping cough, chicken pox to name a few. TV? Yes? Then your child may develop ADD and/or obesity issues. No? Then you may lose your mind. Toys with batteries or toys without? Our doula likened our Fisher Price Sparkling Symphony Activity Gym to "baby TV" with a grimace. When do you start cereal? Organic or not? Homemade baby food? Jarred? If jarred, what kind? Tummy time? Enough tummy time? TV yet? Computer time? If so, how much "screen time" is appropriate? Dairy or soy? Juice? According to our pediatrician juice is like crack for children. Yet, someone is always trying to give our child juice - other parents, school, etc. Again, who knew? Daycare? If you choose this option, someone may suggest that you are neglecting your child. Stay at home? If you select this option, someone may tell you that your child will be a social outcast for the rest of his life because he did not interact with other children for 8 hours a day at the ripe age of 6 months. Discipline? Yes? Aren't you being a little hard on your child by putting him in time out? No? Why aren't you establishing boundaries for your child? School? When? Home school? Public school? Tiny little hippy school? Montessori (a bit different from tiny little hippy school)? Waldorf?

So, you get the picture. And, I am a person who hesitates when confronted with the question "Paper or plastic?".

In defense of cloning
On Friday, Luca and I went to our local food co-op for our Friday lunch date. Luca always has cheese pizza and an oatmeal raisin cookie and watches the cars outside while he eats his lunch. Upon meeting someone, he often asks what kind of car they drive. He or she may respond by saying "a small one" or "a big one" or "a blue one." But, he wants specifics. A Honda Civic? A Toyota Prius? Isn't that a hybrid? The boy has a passion for cars. Anyway, Luca spilled a cup of water. I calmly got up and asked him to help me clean it up. And, he did. The woman at the next table said, "I would like to clone you." I heard her and smiled and went back to cleaning up. And she said it again with an explanation. She said she would like to clone me because I didn't get mad at Luca because he spilled the water. She said others she has seen get mad and then furiously clean it up on their own without asking the child to take some responsibility and help. I smiled again and said, "This isn't how it always goes." But, then I thanked her - profusely. It was the nicest thing I have heard in a while and it made me feel competent. It is difficult to know whether we are making the right choices and the opinions of (well-meaning) people often make me feel doubtful. But, a little positive reinforcement made me feel like I could climb mountains . . . that we can continue to make the choices that we believe are best for our family.

I suggest telling people they should be cloned often . . . you have no idea how good it will make him or her feel.