A few words about the fine art of speculatingWhen we started this process, I distinctly remember saying to my adoption coordinator that the process would be easy after "all that we have been through." See what happens when one says such things?! EASY. Ha. What I failed to realize at the time was that we are talking about our daughter here - that adopting our daughter would put me on edge the whole entire time . . . that this is too huge not to stress and wonder and worry every step of the way. Easy. Silly me. And, there is a small part of me that does not want to do all that paperwork all over again if our I171H takes 6 months. But, I really need to get back in touch with my organizational skills, so why not? I would love to do the paperwork all over again.
There I go tempting fate again.
Kazacutie & Gigi
I have been reminded recently why we are doing this. Jen and Marshall (see almost all comment sections - they are there encouraging and supporting us and countless other people who are or have adopted) have received the coveted LOI (letter of invitation that the Kazakh government sends to invite prospective adoptive parents to Kazakhstan to meet their child). They described it best when they compared it to the golden ticket from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. This is what we are all working towards. So, they are finally going! A) I want to wish them all of the best on their life-changing journey to meet Kazacutie and B) I want to thank them for reminding me what this is all about. It is not about getting a piece of paper. It is about adopting a child. When I see the bigger picture, everything else becomes pretty simple.
Jennifer and Jim, who adopted their daughter Gigi this past summer, are also a constant source of inspiration. They have carefully chronicled their entire journey with a sense of honesty and reverence. I am happy for them and they give me a glimpse into the possibility of our future life.
I have not really allowed myself to think of our future life with "Saskia" too much because I am incredibly cautious. I realize this cautiousness may be a detriment to getting through the process. I have allowed myself to wonder about things like sleeping arrangements. I was thinking that Luca and "Saskia" could share a room for a while because perhaps hearing another child in the room would calm her during the night . . . because this is what she is used to in the baby house. Any thoughts?
4 comments:
I know that a lot of the stress of the process was alleviated once I turned the Dossier in to the agency. It was like turning the process over to fate. Our part was done for the moment. So perhaps you'll feel differently after the paperwork is finally done (Isn't that what they say about giving birth too? That you'll forget the pain and want to do it all over again afterward? I guess paperwork is the adoption equivalent!)
Also - I think that is a good idea to have the kids sleep together. In most places of the world, all siblings will sleep in the same bed let alone the same room. We are already planning to keep the crib in our room for at least the first few months then gradually transition kiddo to his own room. My mother thinks we're nuts but I informed her that our child will never have slept alone before.
I agree with you wholeheartedly that following along other PAP's journeys has been incredibly motivating and helps us stay focused on the reason we are doing this!
What must it have been like 10 years ago, before blogs and Yahoo groups were so common and we weren't able to connect with each other in such a real way?
The logistics will work out -- don't worry. My sister and I shared a room and were closer because of it. Frank and his brothers also shared a room and he wouldn't have had it any other way. It's really only in the last 50 years that kids so often have their own rooms. They will definitely feel safer.
I think its a good idea to put the little ones together for a bit. This would probably be good for bonding!
the other blogs are very helpful to me too! Jen and Marshall are so supportive. its great!
Thank you for the shout out. :-) I love following along on your blog so much. You always have a way of making me smile.
As for arrangements, I know this isn't the answer you want, but it may help to wait and see what kind of child you have. (DUMB answer I know. Sorry.) Over all, my opinion is that having Luca and "Saskia" is a good thing once she's settled into your home and adjusting (which may happen right away or it might take a month). I know Gigi was waking up 3 times a night for awhile which may be hard on Luca. She settled out to sleeping through the night completely (7pm to 7am with no wake ups) within about 8 weeks.
A couple things we did that were INVALUABLE (advice from other loopers) were: a) put a fan in her room for white noise, b) play lullabies continuously through the night (we have a spare laptop in the room), and c) put a heater in her room to make it baby house temperature even though it seemed too hot to us. Those three things cut down on the number of night wakings HUGELY. The heat might bug Luca too, but Gigi has been weaned off the heat for the most part now.
Over all though, my vote goes towards the kids sharing a room in the long run. It's good for bonding, learning to share, etc. All those good things! :-)
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