Don't you want something else, honey?I have a confession to make. When Luca asks for anything "girly" I try to tempt him with something else - something that is more gender neutral or "boy-y." But, the fact is Luca loves girls and women. He has been charming women as long as I can remember. The summer he turned 2, we were in our local fruit and vegetable market and he climbed up on to a bench where an attractive young girl sat. He looked up at her with his big blue eyes and a huge smile and said rather boldly "What's YOUR name?" Historically, he has not given men (except his dad) the time of day.
So, why should I be surprised he watches Barbie videos when he visits his grandma. Or that he wanted a plastic Barbie toothbrush holder when we went to the grocery store today. We were standing in front of the kid's bubble bath and I said, "Pick one." And, he chose this silly Barbie toothbrush stand with pink & purple toothbrushes (why this was in the middle of the bubbles, I don't know). I said "no" mostly because I am morally opposed to poorly produced, useless pieces of plastic (not to mentioned the perpetuation of the idea of such a narrowly defined ideal woman), but there was a small part of me that wanted to steer him towards the "Cars" bubbles because they are more gender appropriate. I feel the same about the Barbie video. I don't forbid it, but I don't encourage it either.
What's good for one is not good for the other
I think and read a lot about gender. I wrote my thesis on feminist art. I teach a class about women artists and deal with the image of women in culture in an introductory class about visual culture. When I was pregnant with Luca I mistakenly thought he was a she. I thought about what it would be like to raise a girl in the United States today. I thought about the idealized (or unidealized - thanks, Britney & Paris & Nicole) images she would feel that she had to live up to . . . the limitations she may have to face in her professional career. I worried. But, one thing I did not think about was confining her to gender-specific toys or even clothes. When Saskia comes home, I think I will be proud if she picks the "Cars" bubble bath and plays in the dirt and wears overalls. It seems the society we live in is more okay with girls crossing gender lines. In some ways women have more freedom that way - perhaps because it is a symbolic grab for power.
But, when my little boy reaches for the Barbie bubble bath it is a demotion . . . a step down, so to speak. He looked at the rubber and plastic figure that contains berry-scented bubble bath and said, "Isn't she beautiful?" I nodded my head in affirmation and put her in the cart.
4 comments:
You'd better look out when he starts dating! He sounds like a real cutie-pie.
My brother felt the same way about his son Tommy, who at age two seemed to be drawn toward more "feminine" activities (for one, he loved to vacuum. If you ask me, he'll be the perfect husband). So my bro was relieved when one day Tommy saw a Hummer on the road and claimed that's what HE wanted to drive. My bro asked him what color Hummer he would like and Tommy said "Pink!"
Heavy sigh from my brother but lots of laughter from everyone else.
Loved your story and it's so true about us encouraging the daughters to choose sports and other "masculine" things while discouraging the sons to cross the same lines.
Your course sounds interesting!
Shannon
This is such an interesting subject, and one that some parents (like my bro-in-law) are not always so eager to address! It's wonderful to see that you have a very healthy and educated attitude about it, and that you let him be himself without making him feel guilt or shame. Hooray for you!
What a great story. Yup pretty hard to deny them when they are that cute...Isn't she beautiful? How precious. I too am worried about the impact of Barbie...I just don't like the perfect image ideal that the pink menace creates. Who could ever live up to that? I am worried about such a little girl spending her time playing with Barbie when the focus of that play is on clothes (the myriad barbie fashions), dating (barbie and ken), etc. I don't want her thinking about clothes and dating any time soon...quite frankly the longer those things are put off as issues of importance the better.
Even the umpteen Princess things out there get my dander up... I am not opposed to her playing dressup as a Princess, or pretending to be a Fairy Princess...but having things (pillows, wall hangings, there are tons of these things) that imply she is a princess and should be treated like one by all...well that is too much. The fact is that while I may treat her like a Princess the rest of the world most likely will not. I wouldn't want her to have to deal with the rude awakening to that fact.
Now don't get me wrong having a bib that says Daddy's Princess on it to me is fine...the baby can't read but having a five year old wearing a T-Shirt that says, I am a Princess! Don't you forget it! To that I say no thanks!
And then lastly I am just so opposed to the themes on everything child related. I was trying to find a soft pink comforter at one point and all I could find was character themes. There was Dora and Hello Kitty and Barbie etc. It was ridiculous. What happened to butterflies and flowers and hearts? I know that I will not be able to avoid Barbie, or the themes forever (however I will stand firm on the attitude laden items) but that doesn't mean I have to like them. I will do my best to discourage her from idolizing Barbie and her top heavy Double Ds, less than 15% body fat waist and perpetual blondness. But I know there is going to come a point where she asks for one of those pink nightmares and oh man what am I going to say? Will a discussion of the history of feminism from the time of the suffragettes to the present day have any impact on a six year old - I think not.
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