Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Our Day in Court in the Fatherland of Apples

We start our trek back to Kazakhstan tomorrow. This time we are taking all the things we need to take care of Alia in-country - blankets, more clothes, bottles, pacifiers. Also, Scott's mom is returning with us on this trip.

We are taking a donation box from Two Hearts for Hope (aren't Stacy & Kim awesome?!) and clothes from a family who planned to adopt from Kazakhstan, but then got pregnant. Their family had already started collecting donations, so they wanted them to go there. I also have additional clothes from friends. If I can't fit them, I will send those to Two Hearts.

Our hearing is on Friday morning. Please do whatever it is you do for us - pray, meditate, send good energy. We have a new judge, which is neither good nor bad . . . but it does add more uncertainty to an already uncertain process. Scott's speech is done, we have thought of answers to some questions the judge may ask . . . we are ready.

Please keep us in your thoughts this week. Thanks.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Home Away from Home

We have been home for a little more than a week. Another AP wrote that coming home during the process makes it feel even more surreal. I completely agree. I can't really wrap my head around the fact that we were in Kazakhstan just LAST week and that there is a spritely little girl there waiting for us to come back to bring her home.

I don't have words to describe the jet-lag. I actually remember very little from this last week. Unfortunately, I do remember my class on Tuesday afternoon. I felt like I drank a bottle of vodka, swallowed a few sleeping pills, then tried to teach a class about women artists and the rise of the Academy in 18th century Europe. I had no recall . . . I couldn't find words . . . I couldn't comprehend questions . . . I was confused.

I also recall that I have experienced such emotional extremes - I can only guess that these are fueled by jet-lag as well as the rollercoaster that international adoption is. When we arrived home, I felt such immense relief. I couldn't stop picking up our 50 lb. boy and covering him with kisses. I reveled in the familiar, mundane sights of our home. I smiled at the things that drove me crazy just 3 weeks ago. I can't help but think of the scene from "It's a Wonderful Life" when George Bailey came home from seeing what the world would be without him. He grabbed the newell post as he was bounding up the stairs to greet his kids and the top came off in his hand. Instead of cursing it, he kissed it. I felt the same about the odds and ends and what I perceived to be imperfections about our house and its contents. All of these things and people make up a life that I love and missed.

Then over the weekend I felt sheer terror about getting back on all those planes - I don't love flying.

I soon got over that and moved on to this overwelming sense of gratitude - I was so grateful for Alia; for the opportunity to adopt this little girl; for all the support we have received from family & friends, real and virtual. Mixed in was being homesick for Kazakhstan! We were so ready to come back, but a few days later, I missed the simplicity of our life there, our housemates and, of course, our visits with Alia.

My outlook on life has changed greatly because of our stay in Kazakhstan. I am only beginning to understand the many ways how. I do know that I have found peace again in a most unlikely place. The fog of grief and despair from the last few years has finally lifted with the meeting of a little girl named Alia.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Onion Rings, Fries and a Shake

4 hour car ride to Astana
+7 hours in a transit hotel
+5 1/2 hour flight from Astana to Frankfurt
+8 1/2 hour flight from Frainkfurt to Chicago
+40 minute flight from Chicago to St. Louis
+2 hour car ride to Carbondale

= Overjoyed to be HOME with our SON

When we arrived at O'Hare, we went straight to Johnny Rockets and ordered onion rings, french fries and a vanilla shake. It was greasy, fatty nirvana! So, we are here. It feels strange - like we were gone forever, yet we were just here. Luca - oh my goodness - Luca has grown inches and is thinking about new, amazing things. I am just so happy to be able to hug and kiss him. He has a 1/2 day of school today, so we are going to have pizza at our Co-op for lunch. Everything feels like such a treat - talking about pancakes with Luca, looking out the window at our backyard, Seattle's Best coffee, a shower, our bed, everything!

All the while, part of me is still back in Kazakhstan with Alia. One foot here, one foot there. Last night Luca said, "I want to see her here for real!" I do too . . . I do too.

Monday, September 15, 2008

I Think She Likes Us (Last Official Bonding Day!)

Today was our last Official Bonding Visit! We are one step closer to bringing Alia home.

Dr. Natalia came to speak with us about Alia's development over the last few weeks as well as her health history today. Good thing I wrote that blog entry yesterday because I easily rattled off all the changes we have seen. Then she shared information about her birth parents, her birth and the first few months of her life.

Alia was asleep when the doctor and interpreter came in. She had an early bottle and there was much playing and giggling today, so she was sleeping hard in Scott's arms. As we talked, she woke up. The doctor spoke to her trying to get her to smile. Alia looked a little concerned and uneasy. She hunkered down close to Scott and laid her head on his chest. She carefully watched everyone, but did not crack a smile. I was thinking, "Alia, show Dr. Natalia how much fun you have been having with us! This is important! Smile - please."

Our visitors left and Scott said that Alia has never done that. If she is awake, she pushes off of your chest with her arms so she can look at the person holding her or the other person sitting on the cot. He said it was like she was scared and looking for comfort. AH HA! That's what kids look to their PARENTS for - reassurance and security.

She is bonding with us . . . she is.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Playtime! (Official Bonding Days 11, 12 & 13)

Visits with Alia
Our first visits with Alia revolved around holding and feeding her. She smiled at us the first day we met her, but the only other activity that made her smile was lifting her in the air. Her arms and legs were stiff and curled up close to her body. She didn't even know to reach out and grab anything that was in front of her. The only thing she showed interest in was the books we read to her. Alia sat with a lot of assistance. One of us had to sit behind her and brace her on either side because if she was left to her own devices, she would tip over in no time. There wasn't a lot of "conversation" either - it was nonexistent actually.

Here we are a couple of weeks later and she grabs practically everything we put in front of her. For a while I thought that we were going to be the only family to come to Kazakhstan who found no use for the stacking cups. I took them with us one of the first days and she didn't so much as look at them. Instead the little boy who came to visit us a few times played with them. Now she grabs them - usually the smaller ones, but sometimes the large red one - and knocks over the towers that we set up over and over. I think Luca may like to build those towers for her. Today she did this while SHE SAT UP UNASSISTED. Yes, I realize that I wrote that she has a long way to go with her sitting skills in the last post. Perhaps she knew I wrote that and saw it as a challenge. She has gone from wobbling back & forth and falling over to sitting for a few minutes on her own in one day.

Yesterday, Alia also crawled a tiny bit. She is trying to get all the parts in the right places. She has gone beyond the swimming motion which keeps her in place to the beginnings of a military crawl. Her hand/eye coordination and motor skills are improving every day. She is turning book pages without any help. It is like she is discovering she has a body that can move. She puts her arms out on the air like the Karate Kid and pumps her legs vigorously. Scott does some simple exercises with her every day first thing. They appear to be making a huge difference.

Alia smiles easily. If we look at her from across the room and smile, she giggles and smiles back. She has gotten more and more vocal. Yesterday she emoted, laughed and gurgled practically the whole time.

Hygiene is not high on Alia's list :). Scott tried to clean her neck with a baby wipe yesterday and she went into a full blown cry. Bath time will be interesting. I don't think she has had a lot of them. The wipe is cold . . . that might be part of it.

I have read a lot about the rapid development that occurs when PAPs start visiting their kids, but it still seemed unreal to me. It is amazing to see this little girl begin to discover herself and respond to the world around her. I once told a friend that watching a child develop is similar to what happens with the patients in the movie Awakenings. Watching Alia these last few days has been like Awakenings fast forwarded.

Life in Kokshetau
A couple of days ago, our housemates and I walked to the Green Market to shop for a dinner party we had last night. Their interpreter and her family (husband, daughter & niece) joined us for dinner. We were very proud of ourselves for finding the Green Market, purchasing everything we needed and carrying about 15 pounds worth of produce, 3 pork chops (not for us!), 20 eggs in a sack, 3 loaves of bread and a small container of the best honey I have ever tasted home. Not many people here speak English that we have found. So, when any of us does anything like this - such as normal, everyday shopping - without incident, the feeling of accomplishment is amazing. Then we tell our interpreters and they smile at us like we are little children.

Our experience has been unusual in many ways - most significant is that we have housemates. We were here on our own for a week, which was nice, but I was starting to feel really isolated. We kept hearing that another family would be here and we wondered if we would get along. How would we share this space with another couple who are complete strangers? We have a large house, but it isn't that large - ~1200 square feet. There is only one full bath. Our bedrooms are right across the hall from one another. We also spend a lot of time here . . . and we didn't know who the heck these people are.

I think if we did know who they were I would have been even more worried. On paper we are about as different as night and day in all areas - politics, religion, you name it. Imagine McCain & Obama rooming together. In the unlikely event that our paths crossed in the States we all would have nodded and smiled politely and kept on walking.

But, guess what? We get along GREAT! I have not laughed so much in a long, long time. C & M are warm, funny (hilarious, actually), generous, kind and easy going. Our schedules work well together. They leave an hour before we do, so we all get enough time in the bathroom. All of us share food without worrying about who's eating or drinking what. We eat meals together - heck, we entertained together last night. We share our computers and Pepcid and vitamins. We both sneak in the occasional load of forbidden laundry. We talk endlessly about practically anything - kids, marriage, politics, religion, books, education, friends, family. All of this without a hint of animosity or trepidation.


I am very grateful for our housemates. I could not have picked two better people to share this experience with. I will really miss them when we go back home.

And, home . . . in just a few days we are headed back (4 hour car ride through the northern plains of Kazakhstan, 2 international flights and 1 domestic). I both intensely dread and look forward to going back home. How can that be?

P.S. Luca went to Chuck E. Cheese with his cousins and grandparents for the first time last night. While playing a driving video game, Chuck E. himself laid his hand on Luca's shoulder. Later Luca said, "Grandma, I don't want that mouse to touch me ever again" to my mom. So much for friendly, plush, oversized mice.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Turn the Page (Official Bonding Days 7, 8, 9 & 10)

Visits with Alia
Alia continues to be her cheerful yet serene self. I had thought about the name Serena for her at one time. She certainly is that.

The hospital has allowed us to buy formula for her. I didn't even know this was an option, but am happy that she is able to get the extra vitamins and minerals. The nurses put the formula in the same bottles with the same nipples as the keffir. Keffir is thick, formula is not. It comes out way quicker than it used, but she sucks on the nipple with the same intensity. Half the time it sounds like she is drowning. Jennifer M had warned me about this a while ago and now I completely see what she meant. Her solution was to put some rice cereal in to thicken the formula. I am not sure if this is an option at this point, but we will have to try to remember this when she comes home.

Scott has been doing a series of exercises with Alia the last couple of days. She seems to enjoy her little work-out. As I wrote in the previous post, her legs and arms have gotten so much looser. She cannot sit without assistance, but seems to be getting closer to doing that. I do think we have a ways to go in that department.

Alia turns to look at us when we call her name. When Scott is reading to her, he asks her to turn the page and she consistently reaches out to try to do that. We came in one day and the nurses had put a rattle that we brought with us in her crib, so it is nice to know that she has something to play with while we are gone. We came in another day and the ball was in there as well. She easily grabs the rattle now.

As many of you know, these visits are generally more of the same every day. We are further limited by having visitations in an almost empty hospital room. We would love a change of venue at this point, but we still have a while to wait.

Luca wanted to know when Alia would be home. I said hopefully by Halloween. He asked what she would dress up as. I asked him if he could think of a small moon that orbits Jupiter or Saturn. He, of course, had to say, "Well, what about a small moon that revolves around Uranus." I said fine . . . what's a small moon that revolves around Uranus? His reply: Belinda. So, I said maybe Alia can dress up as Belinda. And what will Luca dress up as? Uranus, he replied. Can anyone out there make a Uranus and Belinda costume for me? Please?

Life in Kokshetau
We have internet! I guess that's really the big news here. Something unidentified happened to cause us to lose it. Scott shut everything down in a certain sequence this morning and - VOILA - communication is restored.

I missed talking to Luca. He and my mom tried to call while we were disconnected. They left a message on Skpe. Instead of disconnecting, Skype continued to record. So, I heard my mom and Luca talking and he said, "But I don't want to skip it. I don't want to skip talking to them. My stomach is getting all jumpy because we are skipping it." My chest still compresses and I get weepy when I think of the message. That was the hardest thing about our internet crisis. It's funny how I think I am going to miss so much by not checking my email for a couple of days, but then I check it and, look, things went on! The planet continued to spin.

In absence of the internet, I have done some other things like a bit of meditation. One can't have too much peace. I continue to read Eat, Pray, Love, which is actually a good book to read while traveling since it is a travelogue of sorts. Last night, I sat and talked to the other couple for a good while. Imagine - talking instead of typing :)!

We went out to eat at a restaurant called Pyramid Pizza a couple nights ago. Kazakh pizza is not too bad! I really did not know what to expect. We went with the other couple and their interpreter. It was nice to get out and blow off a little steam.

Most meals are eaten in however. This is a good time of day. We all have a beer or two. M and I cook something up while C & Scott work on the computers or talk. Then, we all sit down at our little kitchen table and share a meal and lots of stories. Afterward, C usually does the dishes and the rest of us go read or watch DVDs or just sit.

Our experiments in the kitchen continue to go well. We have made Lebanese lentils and rice with a cabbage salad (link is similar to what we did) and a roasted tomato & eggplant pasta with a green salad. These two dishes were completely improvised - we did not follow a written recipe. I am a recipe girl - I am LOST without a recipe, so this was pretty big for me. The pasta dish was simple, yet surprisingly good. We have also had vegetable soup.

All four of us go through about a can of Kracks a day, so don't think it is wholesome food 24/7. I really think they have Pringles beat.

Our interpreter took us to a book store after our visit today. We bought 5 books for Alia. Three are in Kazakh, Russian and English. They are about the seasons, animals and Kazakhstan. The other two are in Russian - one is Kazakh folk stories and the other is the Russian alphabet. Two of Scott's colleagues speak Russian, so we hope they can translate or come over and read the stories to Alia.

Scott continues to take his walks in the afternoon. He has gotten some great photos. I will leave you with one that demonstrates Kazakh ingenuity (yes, those are plastic water bottles linked together to serve as a downspout).

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Technical Difficulties

A quick note . . . we lost internet access and now our computer refuses to get itself online. OH MY GOODNESS - HOW FRUSTRATING!

Our visits with Alia continue to go well. They are allowing us to feed her formula! Admittedly, I have some reservations about formula, but have put those on hold. The goal here is vitamins, vitamins, vitamins!

She is turning book pages on command! Unbelievable. This has happened more than once. And, it seems most of the stiffness has gone away. She loves shaking and pumping those arms and legs. It is like she discovered she has limbs.

I look into those beautiful eyes of hers and lots of gears turning. Watch out Luca!

We continue to enjoy the company of the other couple here. What a godsend!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Crazy Limbs (Official Bonding Days 5 & 6)

Visits with Alia
Two more days with our little imp - Scott has started to call her the Gnome of the Steppes.

Yesterday, Alia was pretty fussy and upset. She drank a little less than half her bottle. I must apologize for what I am about to write but it seems to be a simple equation of intake and out-take. The out-take wasn't happening. The delicate balance is upset, therefore, Alia was NOT happy. This is completely fine - we can handle it, but it is frustrating to not be able to do anything about it.

It is amazing how quickly poop becomes interesting and vital to us again.

Today, we arrived and our interpreter said that a nurse tried to give her the bottle before and she drank very little of it. Maybe there was something new in the bottle because it was the weekend - they could have run out of the usual "formula" our interpreter explained. It still stresses me out. The intake/out-take stresses me out - it did with Luca and now it is with Alia. Our interpreter says not to worry. On an intellectual level I know that I shouldn't worry - but on some sort of primal, emotional level I panic. Women's brains must be hardwired to respond this way . . . or I could be neurotic :).

Despite the small lunch today, she was very content. The last 2 days she has continued to work towards crawling by laying on her belly and flailing her arms and legs about - swimming without water. She also does this side push-up thing. Luca crawled later - 10 months - I don't remember any of the preliminary stuff. It seemed like he went from sitting to crawling with nothing in between. It is amazing to watch her experiment with these new movements.

Alia looks at us so intently. She holds our gaze for such a long time - studying . . . trying to figure us out, I guess.

Otherwise, lots more walking & holding, holding & swaying. I am surprised there isn't a path worn through the linoleum from all the walking back & forth that goes on in that little room. Alia usually naps for 1/2 hour or more while one of us holds her. She was pretty talkative today . . . giggly mostly. She opens her mouth wide and wrinkles her nose and makes this adorable "guh" noise in the back of her throat. Scott read her all 4 books we have today. She turned some of the pages on her own, which was great to see.

She was pretty upset when we laid her in her crib today.

Life in Kokshetau
The other family has arrived! It is nice to have some company and help get them acclimated. It has only been a few days, but I feel like I have known them for a lot longer. I guess that's what happens when you share a house in a country where you don't know the language - there are no preliminary niceties or reluctance.

We even made dinner together last night - I made more roasted vegetables and they made some tasty cabbage & mushroom dumplings.

It has been cold here the last 5 (or so?) days. I am just so surprised by how much the weather fluctuates this time of year. It was 80 when we arrived, in the 50s last week and now it is headed into the high 60s. I appreciate getting a taste of autumn early. It is my favorite season.

We didn't have water yesterday morning - this was our second "outage". Our poor roommates - days of travel and no shower available their first day here. It was only out until around 9 a.m., so I think we got lucky. The hospital still didn't have it when we left at 12:30. I assumed that they had some sort of back-up system, but that isn't the case. I do have a theory about why we haven't had water a couple times this week. I know it is a common occurrence, however this may be related to turning on the central water heating system. Like the heat, hot water is centralized. It is turned off for the summer. Some houses and apartments have boilers which heat the water. Lots of others don't, so many people go without hot water all summer long.

I have spent an absurd amount of time trying to set-up my Outlook to send and receive mail from my school account. It is just not working - I am not able to send. ARGHHH!

Here are some photos of Kokshetau:

exterior of a typical apartment building - almost all of them have the shallow porches for drying laundry
Scott was taking a picture of the massive apartment building but, I like the buses. The buses have CURTAINS - I love that!
Look on the right - massive above ground heat pipes line the streets and paths of Kokshetau.

Back in Carbondale
My stepfather visited my mom and Luca this weekend. They had an outing to the park and he sent me some photos on his Blackberry.

How is it that he looks so big?! I think he has grown 4 inches. He looks like a BOY not a toddler anymore. Sniff . . .
Grandma & Luca - the dynamic duo.

All is well at home. I really, really missed Luca when I saw these photos this morning. He really seems to be doing so well. I signed him up for a Saturday morning art class with his friend Isabelle, which was a big hit. We continue to have our morning (us)/evening (him) chats. I really know now that it was best for him to stay home. We can focus on Alia and he may gain a little more independence. Susan Serra keeps telling me that that is what we as parents want - independent children. And, she is right, but it is difficult letting go.

We are "over the hump" so to speak . . . we have been here 10 days and will be here 10 more.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

She Speaks!: Official Bonding Days 3 & 4

Visits with Alia
Yesterday, Alia revealed a bit of her personality. As expected it was adorable. She was having a little tummy time when she started to babble out of nowhere. She has made two types of noises so far - giggles and whines. This was different. She was telling us a very serious story complete with furrowed brow.

Up to this point, I have felt a little like a glorified babysitter who brings her own supplies (diapers & clothes) to the job. I know I can love this child. I knew it from the first day, but I haven't really had an inkling about who she is. Yesterday, after a week, I felt the beginnings of emotional attachment. I realize that attachment and bonding is a long process, but it is reassuring to feel a bond starting to form. And, this was sparked by Alia "speaking" to us.

It really was a banner day - the babble as well as grabbing a ball and rocking on her tummy like she wants to crawl. She seems pretty fascinated by the ball - maybe because of the contrasting colors. And, again while on her tummy, she seemed to try to propel herself forward. She does a great job pushing up with her hands, however her legs seem like jelly.

Today it is cooler and overcast - a soup day . . . a tea day. The visit matched - mellow and calm. Alia is quicker to smile everyday we see her. She had already had her bottle, so she was in a fine mood when we arrived. We tried to interest her in toys for a while - not really having any of that though. Scott and I took turns walking her back & forth and swaying in our little room. She did this maneuver in which she grabbed Scott's nose and sucked her thumb at the same time - that's talent :). I discovered that Alia really likes it when I touch her cheek lightly with my nose. She made some different sounds . . . squeals of delight. These sounds . . . oh these sounds - somehow they connect straight to my heart. After a long bout of the hiccups, she fell asleep for a long, long time - lots of heavy breathing, baby snores (everything babies do is cute!), and heavy sighs.

I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about leaving her for 3 weeks or so. That won't happen for a few weeks, but it seems cruel.

We spoke with the doctor at the Baby Hospital yesterday. She went over Alia's birth and health history with us. She really is very healthy. The doctor reported some bronchitis as well as some typical post-Soviet diagnoses. We did run most everything by our international adoption doctor (Dr. Davies - we love him!) and all is well. We had decided when we got here that it didn't really matter what the doctors said. We knew we wanted to adopt Alia regardless. However, it is good to know if there is anything we need to begin researching or planning for.

Random Adoption Stuff
We changed our flight to leave from Astana instead of Almaty. That way, we will have a car ride and 3 flights rather than a car ride and 4 flights (and a night in Almaty). Somehow this makes me so very happy. Our trip here was smooth, but it was still a lot! I am pleased to not get on and off one more airplane.

I wish I would have brought some undershirt type onesies. Not sure what I was thinking - we have about 1000 of those at home. I have some 2 piece outfits which really need an undershirt underneath to keep her completely covered. One morning a group of nurses came in to check on Alia while we were still there and her stomach was exposed. One of them pulled down her shirt and said something to me - I stood there smiling & shrugging my shoulders like a non-Russian speaking idiot.

Life in Kokshetau
Our mornings are pretty full - we talk to Luca, check emails, blogs. Today I chatted with Susan Serra, who should be celebrating Leeza's birthday about now. We are picked up around 10 for our visit, then we return to the cottage around 12:30. Sometimes we run errands after our visit, but others we come back here and eat lunch. I usually blog and Scott reads. He has been going for long walks in the later afternoon. I may go today - somehow I am always doing something.

I make dinner - last night it was pasta with jarred pasta sauce. I didn't love the sauce and I wish I could tell you why. It was more like eating thinned out tomato paste. I tried to doctor it up with sauteed onions, garlic & chiles, but it didn't seem to help. I am thinking fried eggs and potatoes tonight. I could try a tortilla espanola! As I wrote to my friend this morning - Kazakhstan is doing a lot to minimize my girthsome backside (dictionary.com does not recognize girthsome as an official word, but I really like it!).

Bordello style

I could write a lot about our "wackydoodle" house. The more I look, the crazier it is. There are 4 doors upstairs - one opens out, the others open in. The bathrooms have mazes of pipes running the perimeters. Things are built around the pipes - like our shower that we walk up a hefty step to get to. The tile work is interesting . . . some screws at some intersections, none at others. Some faucets have hot water on the right, others don't. And, the light fixtures - most of you know about the fanciful light fixtures - a different one in each room. I have dubbed ours the Art Nouveau room. The fixture in the living room is the Bordello one. All the light switches are outside of the room which makes perfect sense to us . . . the light is on BEFORE you enter the room.

According to Luba, we will be joined by another American family today. There was much gesticulating and pointing in the Russian-English dictionary to figure that out.

We will have company!

And, Kim, you didn't have to suffer through any RNC news this morning! Happy Friday!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

I've Got Your Nose (Official Bonding Day 2)

Visit with Alia
There is a window in the kitchen that looks out to the spot where our driver picks us up in the morning. The sheer on the left side is stretched. I think of the people who stayed here before us doing the exact same thing we do - checking every 2 minutes for the driver who will take us to visit the child we hope to adopt some day soon.

When we arrived today, Alia was asleep on her tummy and a rattle we left in the cabinet was in her crib. She woke up immediately and looked perplexed for a minute or so, then we were rewarded with a smile of recognition.

We did more of the same today. We carried her around for a while first thing instead of going into undress and massage mode. This seemed to relax her a lot more - no heavy breathing and no desperate looks for the bottle. I tried to just hold her today. We did some reading though. She continues to grab for things like books, Scott's nose and Wedgina. She also held her bottle today!

I try to imagine what she has been doing until she met us. I doubt that there has been a lot of variation (I don't think she has ever been outside). I try to imagine being in a vacuum for months, then experiencing so many new sights, sounds, feelings and textures. It has to feel overwhelming.

All that said, she seemed more relaxed today. She didn't crazily scarf down her bottle - she took breaks and looked to see what was going on around her.

Life in Kokshetau
Lunch - look a mayo & veggie salad
We haven't done much else today. After our visit, we went to the Next Store to use the ATM with our interpreter. She didn't even know there was one there . . . I don't think she believed me until she saw it. Perhaps people don't typically use them here (?). I wanted her to go with us in case it was in Russian. There was an English option and it worked! It gave us Tenge from our little, old credit union in Carbondale. One of the families here before us had one of their cards eaten at a bank ATM, so I was a bit concerned.

Who needs to do anything else today?! Actually, Scott is preparing for a walk as I write. I need to do some grading. I think my brain may be somewhat recovered from the jet lag.

I made a Russian-style salad for lunch . . . tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, garlic, salt & pepper, and MAYO! I figure if we aren't eating horse meat, I could at least experience the culture through its salads. Thanks for the inspiration, Kim. I won't be eating them for 2 months though!

As you can see from the subtitle of the post, we did not start "official" bonding until yesterday after the holiday. So, we are still on schedule for returning on 9/18. That means more time with Alia!

We are experiencing our first day without water. Imagine coming home and finding that the water is shut off - no water main break, nothing . . . just no water. I keep turning on the faucet - I don't have Kazakh patience :). It is colder today - in the 50s. We are actually enjoying it. It is a nice change from the heat we experienced last week.

I don't really miss things from home (granted, we do seem to have it pretty easy where we are staying) - I just miss people . . . Luca, friends and family.

A big P.S.
Do you have friends who have much more faith in your ability to do things than you? I am so very lucky to have one of those friends - my dear, dear friend Susan Lee (I have to use her last name since there are about 5 Susans around here). I have a confession to make. I have not made pierogies from scratch. I am so incredibly flattered that she believes I could here. Well, maybe I could, but I haven't :). They are fresh from the frozen food section of The Next Store.

The title of the book will have to be Frozen Pierogies in Kazakhstan.

P.S.S. I will start posting every other day or so unless there is something monumental to report.

P.S.S.S. Please listen to this episode of "This American Life". Some of it is about adoption, all of it is about misconceptions. I really think you will like it.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Luca & Alia (the parentheses of our morning)

Our last outing to Cedar Lake this summer.

We just finished Skyping with Luca. We speak with him and my mom almost every day at 7 a.m. our time and 8 p.m. their time. He has just gotten out of the tub and is running around in all his naked glory sometimes. How did PAPs do this before Skype? I know there is always the phone, but it helps so much to see his face. Our conversations are pretty disjointed as he bounces around the room moving from one topic to the next while experimenting with the webcam - he likes to put his face really, really close to the camera and go "lalalalalalala." He likes to show us Mathilda, one of our cats, the only one who will let him pick her up. This morning he showed me one of his old bath toys - a water pump. One morning, he asked if Alia was awake and if he could see her. That got me kind of teary because he asked and I wish she was here. It doesn't really matter what is said or seen on these calls - just having a little Luca time feeds my soul.

It will be a long, long time before I will tire of his incessant chatter after returning home. It will be a long, long time before I tire of anything.

He is doing well. I think the first week was pretty tough for both my mom and Luca. He would cry because he missed us and take it out on my mom. One morning he told her she wasn't spreading the jam on his pancakes correctly . . . in fact, she "wasn't doing anything right." There were a few times that we called and he cried and didn't want to talk to us. That was probably the worst for me, but I totally understand. We are not there and he was sad.

But, now, he is in a routine and my mom has figured out how to do most everything "right." They have been very busy. In addition to having his regular 3 pancakes every morning :), he is going to kindergarten all day (8:20-2:45). He says he has a new friend - Elizabeth who has 2 ponytails (he says pony like the aunt from "The Pony Remark" episode of Seinfeld). He doesn't like working on his journal because he doesn't have the freedom he had in Pre-K where he could draw anything he wanted. He has to draw pictures of himself only. Last week he went to his friend Isabelle's house for a play date. I think he likes Melissa, Isabelle's mom, just as much as Isabelle. Luca and my mom went to visit Jean, my mother-in-law at her house in Hermann, MO, this past weekend. There he watched Over the Hedge, played with his Uncle Jeff, ate homemade macaroni and cheese and went on golf cart rides.

This week, he may see our friends Laura and Mariola (do you see a theme here with preferred friends?). He is also going to Grown-Up's Night Out at our Science Center. My step-father will probably visit as well.

Neighbors have checked in on my mom to see how she is doing. I am sure I am forgetting other wonderful acts of kindness. There have been so many. International adoption is really a group effort of people near and far - of strangers, friends & family. It is quite amazing, actually.

It's Luca in the early morning and Alia in the late morning - then, we wait for the next day. We are still in that liminal state - an in-between place with both our kids.

Hold on Tight (Official Bonding Day 1)

Visit with Alia
We arrive at the Maternity Hospital around 10:00 a.m. The hospital itself is incredibly run-down on the exterior, but is clean and tidy inside. The grounds remind me of those which surround abandoned factories - broken glass, weeds, chunks of masonry. Amid the decay, someone has painted old tires bright colors, laid them on their sides and planted flowers in them.

Scott and I were talking about the run-down appearance of most buildings here - not only in Kokshetau, but also in larger cities like Almaty. As most people who come here find out, the apartments in these buildings are often very nice - bright with hardwood floors, contemporary fixtures, etc. I can only speculate that people expect the state to maintain the civic spaces, not only during the Soviet era, but now also. Kazakhstan is officially socialist, so the government still takes care of a lot of services. Scott also said that Kazakhstan is on the edges of the former Soviet Union, so perhaps not as much money made it here.

We are dropped off behind the hospital. There is a line of blue doors in the back - sometimes they are open, sometimes not. It doesn't look like there is any air conditioning in the hospital, so I assume that they are open for ventilation. From what I can see (and hear from others), central air is almost nonexistent. I do see LG window units dotting the exterior walls of apartment buildings. This is in a place that gets rather hot in the summers - high 90s at times. I have read many blog entries about stifling hot visitation rooms at baby houses. Heat, however, is centralized and controlled by the government. Someone flips an on switch in fall and off switch in the spring.

We make our way through a small dark entry way to 2 small rooms - the first looks like a reception area, the other one has medical stuff in it. I will have to look more carefully at exactly what is in there tomorrow. We then walk out into a large corridor. There is sometimes a nurse with one of those chef's hats on sitting at a desk at the end. It is very dim - there aren't any lights on that I can see - just natural light that filters in through the rooms and a few windows at the end of the hall. The visitation room is the first door on the left. I often feel very covert . . . not sure why, but I do.

We pass through a small room to get into the room where Alia is staying. It is about 8' x 20' with rippling linoleum on the floor. There is a crib with a thick, wooly blanket hanging at the end, a cot with a thin mattress & large pillow and 2 small cabinets where we keep the toys and other stuff like baby wipes & spit-up cloths we bring. At the end of the room is a large window with a deep sill. The window opens at the top, however there is no screen. It looks out onto the area where we are dropped off. There is also a dirt path (lots of dirt paths here!) that cuts through brush and weeds with an apartment building in the distance. There is a pretty constant parade of people walking by. There is also a marble topped table with a plastic jar on top. The jar is covered with a rag and has a piece of paper with dates written on it rubber-banded to it. I have not looked in the jar - it looks a little ominous. There is a bathroom off of the room. I haven't looked too carefully in there either. A tall window looks out onto the corridor, but most of it is covered with paper. There is a constant din from the hospital - crying children, plates rattling (I saw a cart of plates today that looked like my grandmother's china - no plastic there!), nurses talking, doors slamming.

It seems like an unlikely place to become a family, but there we are.

We are asked to bring 8 diapers and a new outfit for Alia every day. I think we have fallen into some sort of routine. The first part of the visit is focused on distracting her while we wait for her bottle. Sometimes it comes at 10:30 . . . sometimes at 11. She has a cold right now and breathes heavily through her nose. It seems like her breathing is really urgent while we await the bottle - no crying, just heavy breathing. We did a little massage and stretching again today, but quickly went back to holding and walking. Dr. Seuss's One Fish . . . was the book of the day & Vince Guaraldi was the musician of the day today. When we were reading she grabbed the book on her own and seemed to be trying to turn the pages. She has also been making good eye contact - I think that is a positive sign (?).

The second part of the visit focuses on her nap. After she wolfs down her bottle in record speed, we sway and walk until she falls asleep. Today, she took a pretty long nap - about 1/2 an hour. She slept on me the whole time. It amazes me that she can trust us to do that, but a warm body has to feel good.

And, what a feeling for us to have that little being snoozing on us! Every once in a while she lets out a little snore or a halting sigh or sucks on her lower lip - other than that she curls up against us and dreams away.

Yesterday, Scott described her as serene . . . Buddha-like. She looks at us steadily, deeply, carefully as if she knows who we are.

I really have to remind myself not to overdo the stimuli. That is my tendency. I want to develop that brain, but I think what she wants now is some physical attention. She is much like a newborn that way.

At some point during the visit, our interpreter comes in and takes a family photo for court. The judge may ask for proof that we were there with Alia every day during the bonding period. We have a photo taken and will print them out with dates stamps and take them to court when we appear.

Our driver shows up around 12:20 p.m. We get in the car where I make an attempt to say hello in Russian (Privyet, Yuri!) and we are whisked away to wherever we want to go in Kokshetau.

Life in Kokshetau
Today we visited the Green Market. The name is deceiving - it was only half green. The other half was piles of dead animal flesh. Whoa! I have never seen so much meat in my life! I am sure there was an assortment, but I didn't look too hard.

Everything seemed so cheap there . . . and they had anything you would want. A few aisles of fruits, vegetables, nuts, dried fruits, a whole room of eggs, a few bakeries, a movie store, lots of candy. I guess it most reminds me of the Farmer's Market in South Bend because it is inside and not just produce.

The women who waited on us were all very nice and accommodating despite the fact that we know very, very little Russian. The woman who sold us our produce thought I wanted 6 KILOS of potatoes, rather than 6 individual ones. When I told her what I wanted by holding up 6 fingers, she disappeared for quite a while, then came out with about 36 rather than 6 potatoes. We all had a good laugh about that! In addition to the potatoes, we bought beets, carrots, tomatoes, red chiles, bananas, cucumbers and apples. All that produce was 400 tenge (less than $2). I spend $20 easy at our Farmer's Market in Carbondale. We also bought a hunk of butter, cheese & bread.

The butter reminds me of the butter my grandmother used to make - yes, my grandmother MADE butter. They lived on a dairy farm. Milk came straight from the cows. It sat out until the cream rose to the top and that was magically turned into butter. My grandmother made me cheese and butter sandwiches. Can you imagine what the nutritionists would say about that? They were divine, though.

We also stopped at the pick-up store for some other stuff. There is almost no produce there. They have a produce section, but it is very, very sad. It is sparse and what is there is definitely past its prime. Scott picked up some Baltika 5, Susan.

I am thinking about making some more pierogies with a mix of roasted root vegetables tonight . . . or lentils & rice with carmelized onions.

I have so many things on my minds - the abundance of workers wherever we go (is that a carry-over from the Soviet era as well?), Russian women's poker faces (I am trying to think of a better description, but they have the attitude of cool mastered), decaying buildings, stores with no display windows, building large stone houses in the middle of tiny, decrepit houses behind corrugated metal fences and why I stood in the coffee aisle today for 15 minutes thinking that I would somehow magically figure out which coffee was best (I wish I would have brought a bag of coffee to start with, a cardigan to wear in the house and envelopes). But this is already long.

Until tomorrow . . .

P.S. Thanks for the comments and emails!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you! It helps so much to stay connected and not feel isolated. I have read many blogs and many people write this while here, but now I know how incredibly important it is to read those comments.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner of Champions (Bonding Day 4)

Visit with Alia
This is the bottle that holds the keffir that Alia eats 3 times a day. She eats it in 5 minutes, I swear.

When we arrive we strip her down to her diaper and do a little baby massage and exercise. Jennifer M sent me some great suggestions for physical therapy. A good thing about the hospital is that there isn't anyone around watching us or reprimanding us for taking off her clothes or opening the window or letting her sleep. We can pretty much do anything we want to. She tires pretty quickly of the exercises, but seems to enjoy them for a while. We really have to do something to distract her because we come about a 1/2 hour or so before the bottle. I can see the quiet desperation in her eyes - bottle, bottle, bottle is running through her mind (in Russian of course).

The feeding is almost a nonevent because it happens so darn fast.

She slept some - little cat naps - while we walked and swayed her around. She woke up long enough to play around with this rattle we brought. It has little beads inside that shake around. We showed her how she could grab it and she did! She was clearly doing what we showed her.
She also grabbed at a book we were reading. The books we brought are all bathtub books - vinyl and spongy and light - she clenched a page in her fist and looked like she was trying to turn the page. This is a big deal for little Alia - she hasn't really grabbed anything yet - I don't think she knows to.

Today when we left she was half asleep. I didn't hear her cry until we were almost out the door.

Ready for my rant? It is depressing to have to leave her every day. I know there is wisdom to the bonding period . . . I can't imagine walking in there and walking out with her when she doesn't know us one bit. But, this 2 hour a day stint seems cruel. I know this is what we signed on for, but I don't like it at all.

Life in Kokshetau
Today is Constitution Day (Kazakhstan's Constitution is only 13 years old!) and the first day of school. All the boys wear suits the first day! I loved seeing boys of all shapes and sizes walking around in their suits. The girls wear black and white and those massive Russian bows - the bows are so absurd that they are cute.

Former Soviet countries sure love their oversized head gear - the police hats are huge and so are the nurses' (closer to chef hats). They also love their uniforms. I teach a section on Russian woman artists from around the revolution. A lot of them designed uniforms. I think uniforms represented where you worked and solidarity with whom you worked with and the government. I can see the uniform theme carry over in the more traditional grocery stores - the ones that have 4 places to check out. I walk into those places and feel daunted - where DO I check out with what and why can't I pick up my own laundry detergent?

We walked to Gorky Park this afternoon. It was crowded because of the holiday and kids were just out of school. There are some rides in the park - a ferris wheel, this crazy thing that spun two people upside down and back again, and some others. There were also lots of food stands.

We have not eaten out yet. Do you know we are vegetarian? Yes, the vegetarians go to the country whose national dish is horse sausage. I am sure we can find something to eat in a restaurant, but we have been enjoying our meals at home. Last night, I made pierogi & roasted carrots. It was actually pretty good - the pierogi were awesome. We still don't have huge appetites - maybe still jet lagged?

Happy Labor Day!