I'm it!

Thank you, Catalina, for tagging me.

Rules: You have to link the person who sent this to you and leave a comment on their blog so their readers can visit yours. Post the rules on your blog. Share 7 strange/weird facts about yourself. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, linking their blog. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Here goes:

1. I had an assymetrical haircut in high school. I was WAY into the 80s.
2. I hate green peppers - HATE them. They ruin the whole, entire dish.
3. I am a vegetarian and I am a bit fanatical about food. For some reason, people used to think vegetarians loved green peppers and put them in everything. Thank goodness they discovered red peppers, which I can tolerate.
4. The Smiths was my favorite band late in high school and college - there has never been a more depressing musical group. Here are some lyrics from There Is a Light that Never Goes Out to prove it:
And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten-ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine
5. Today is my birthday - I am an Aquarius, a monkey and share my birthday with Oprah (!) and W.C. Fields.
6. When I was a kid, I followed the rules. When I was an adolescent, I didn't. Now, I get hives if I don't.
7. I watch a good amount of reality TV (What Not to Wear, The Real Housewives of Orange County, Survivor, specifically).
Bonus:
8. I got to know my husband in a college class that I skipped the first three weeks of. He still married me despite my occassional irresponsibility.

I will get back to you on the tags.

SURPRISE!

The last few days of 39
Well, they did it. How? I don't know. I must have been distracted by celebrating Luca's progress at school with a trip to the planetarium or maybe it was my thrice daily adoption blog check-in . . . my family and friends managed to put together a surprise party to celebrate one of the final evenings of my 30s. Hard to believe, I know.

As I was whisked into the banquet room of a local Chinese restaurant, my life flashed before my eyes. Then, I walked into a dark room, greeted by the obligatory "SURPRISE", and saw all of the brightly lit faces of people who have made my life so rich and meaningful. And, I cried. And, for once, I had no words. I still don't other than it was just so touching. Scott somehow pulled it all together. My parents came down to help and put together a collage of photos. Friends decorated . . . and decorated and put together another collage of photos. My mother-in-law arranged for the custom "Martha Stewart" themed cake. It was all just so nice, thoughtful, fabulous . . .

FOUR UH OH?
A few days ago I was mourning the changing of the decades. Our culture doesn't exactly celebrate aging. I struggled to find meaning in the tiny wrinkles and gray hairs that have appeared. But, the meaning was revelaed to me last night. The people in my life have provided meaning (and love and support). That's really what it comes down to. So, I am happy to be entering my 40s with so many wonderful people in my life (here, there and in cyberspace!). And, I also know that this year will bring a long awaited daughter (or son) into our lives (we should be at the Embassy by now). For all of this, I am truly grateful.

And, have you heard that 40 is the new 30?

He shoots and earns (mostly) FOURS!

PreK Angst

Last year we eagerly sent our 3 year-old Luca off to PreK at public school. He's smart! He always has a smile on his face! He is there for only 3 hours a day. "What could go wrong?" we thought.

Well, lots.

The first few weeks were pretty uneventful. But, then the dreaded treasure chest was introduced. It was all over after that. When I am 90, I will have nightmares about the treasure chest - a torture device in my book. Children earned stars for "good behavior" (and lost them for "poor choices"). When they earned a certain number, they went to the treasure chest to choose the plastic bauble of their choice. Luca made a visit to the coveted "box-o-plastic-crap" once the whole entire year. When we picked our little guy up from school, we were almost always met by a litany of crimes he committed during the day - throwing books, misreading other children's non-verbal cues . . . I think I have blocked the rest out. He hemorrhaged stars on a daily basis. Initially, we backed the teacher. We withheld special privileges at home when he lost stars. Nothing seemed to work and the behavior only escalated. Our boy is a creature of habit. Once he started acting out to get attention, he couldn't stop.

THE conference

At our mid-year parent-teacher conference, his teacher suggested he be tested. After the initial evaluation she suggested he may have Asperger's Syndrome. This was despite the fact she was not qualified to make such an evaluation. We soon found ourselves in a room with 10+ specialists (psychologists, speech therapists, special education teachers, teachers)who evaluated our son. What did they find?

Ooops! The teacher was wrong. He is, in fact, GIFTED!

FOURS

We went to our mid-year parent teacher conference last night. Luca is in a new classroom with a new teacher who greets him every morning . . . who treats him with respect and patience . . . who doesn't have a treasure chest in her room. He is assessed on a number of skills - a whole 8 1/2" x 14" sheet full. And, he has earned almost all 4s (4 being the highest number possible). He still has problems interacting with his peers because he is used to speaking with adults, but otherwise he is thriving. So, great job, buddy!

To celebrate, I am taking him to a planetarium for a star show on Friday. Stars for the star.

Party of 20 +

We are passing the time by mixing up:

• ~20 big friends and 7 little friends (ages 0 - 6)
• a 4 year-old host who hand-delivered a piece of pita with yogurt-feta dip to everyone
• 3 vats of curry (aloo matar, muttar paneer, moghlai chickpeas)
• some rice
• a carrot salad (thanks, Carma!)
• a nice yogurt relish
• a little wine and a little beer
• a cake for someone who turned the "big four 0" (not me - I have another week)
• a few dozen molasses sandwich cookies
• some jazz
• confessions about watching reality TV (I've only watched The Real Housewives of Orange County once, I swear).

It all added up to a great time had by the hosts. We can't wait to add Saskia or Sasha to the mix!

Sasha?

Translation DONE!
Today we received an email from our coordinator letting us know that our translations are done and we are off to the embassy late next week. WooHoo! I am happy to be moving forward.

Something to think about
She also wrote that since we have requested a girl, it will be "months, yet" before we receive a referral. If we were open to a boy, however, the referral would be almost immediate. What to do . . .

Well, you know how I like to analyze!

I love having a son. When I was pregnant, I thought Luca was a girl. I wasn't really sure what I would do with a boy. I didn't even think it was possible for me to have a boy. Then there he was in all of his boy glory. I have never wanted anything to be different.

We requested a girl because we have a boy. Having one of each seems like - well - nature, I guess. I also thought that having one of each gender would curtail the competition.

But, if adopting is simply about having another child to love and care for, what does gender matter? What do you think?

News Flash

From our Agency:

"I wanted to follow up on my post the other day about the rumor that Kaz was closed due to missing post placement reports.

As suspected it is not true.

The truth is the Ministry of Education has requested representatives from all regional departments' of education to meet in Astana on January 25th to discuss post placement reports. No one can say exactly what they will say or do at this time, but this type of meeting and attention to missing reports, etc., has happened several times in the past, so it is not a new thing that is causing us concern.

We will let you know the outcome of the meeting after it takes place, but for now, the rumor that everything has stopped is false."

Is "I just want hear another child talk about pancakes" a good enough reason?

Why?

I read the book Two Little Girls by Theresa Reid last month. It was an honest account of her family's adoption of their daughters from Russia and the Ukraine.

I was struck by a number of things in the book - one of them being her and her husband's motivation for adopting their second daughter. It seemed like it was exclusively for their first daughter - Natalie . . . so she could have someone there for her while she was growing up and when her parents passed away. I found this motivation to be troubling. I think the author even writes in the introduction that they should have had the goal of giving another child a home, period.

As a result, I had to ask myself that question - why are we adopting? Is it to give Luca a sibling? I have spoken with so many only children who find this state to be incredibly lonely. I think that every one of them has said that s/he would not have just one child because of his/her experience growing up. I am sure there are exceptions to this, but I have not encountered one personally. Wanting a sibling for Luca is part of the reason for wanting another child. But, is that it?

Is it because we have lost children? Are we trying to replace them? If our triplets had lived, we would not be adopting at this moment, there is no denying that. So, we have made this choice, in part, because we lost our girls. I do not believe that we are replacing them with this little girl. I had to think long and hard about this one, but I can write this with some certainty. "Saskia" will be "Saskia" - not a replacement for children we have lost.

So, why?

This morning Luca was running around talking about Phobos and Deimos, the moons of Mars. He earnestly told his father that one of them is on a collision course with Mars and the other will eventually spin out of Mars' gravitational pull. Then, in 4 year-old, non sequitur fashion; he told Scott that he ate pancakes for a snack yesterday at school. After that, he bounded down the hall to the kitchen to eat his usual breakfast of Honey-Nut Cheerios with honey milk (regular old skim, but don't tell him that), 1/2 a banana and water.

It was in this everyday moment that a certain surety revealed itself to me. Forgive me if this sounds too fundamental (I hope it is good enough for a judge), but I want to adopt so I can see another child run around our house at 7 a.m. talking about the most random of things. I want the opportunity to love another child . . . to give her a home and a family with whom she can share her news of pancakes or moons or dolls or ladybugs or whatever she fancies.

It is that simple.

Practice Makes Good Enough

Fears
My daughter is crying . . . red-faced, screaming with tears popping out of her eyes . . . and there is nothing I can do to comfort her. This is one of my fears about adoption. How will I comfort my daughter without the almighty breast? In the first bleary days of motherhood I thought "How does someone who adopts do this?" I shook my sleep-deprived head . . . I wondered.

Now I will find out.

You are my Sunshine
I do have one secret weapon that seems to work with every baby that I have encountered - a little ditty called "You Are My Sunshine." When I was at my parents' house for Thanksgiving I had the opportunity to try it out to make sure I still have it. My brother's girlfriend's adorable son, Casey, was awake past his naptime on Thanksgiving Day. I swayed and sang and sang and swayed and his little body collapsed under the mesmerizing spell of "You Are My Sunshine" (without the sad parts). And, I thought, "I can do this if I learn to sing this song in Kazakh!"

I can't wait to sing, ever so poorly yet ever so earnestly, to "Saskia".

Oh, but WAIT!
But, the latest report is that this momentous occasion will take place later than anticipated ("several months"). Honestly, I am not sure what that actually means. Is the "several months" tacked on to the 4-5 months that it has taken people to travel recently or is it added to the 6-12 months quoted in the agency literature? Are we being prepared for the worst case scenario? We will wait. And I will continue to practice comforting young children with this nice little song whenever I have the chance . . . and watching this video, which is one of the cutest I have ever seen.

Bittersweet

. . . the mere resolve not to be useless, and the honest desire to help other people, will, in the quickest and delicatest ways, improve yourself. - John Ruskin

My family has begun the year grieving and reflecting on the life of a woman who has been at the center of theirs for as long as anyone can remember. My grandmother passed away on December 24. The funeral was on December 31.

I have been given an awesome gift - her wedding ring that she wore for 65 years. The only way I can think to honor my grandmother and this gift is to approach the world with unconditional love and deep commitment as she did.

Happy New Year to everyone. I wish you well wherever you are, in whatever you do.