Translation DONE!Today we received an email from our coordinator letting us know that our translations are done and we are off to the embassy late next week. WooHoo! I am happy to be moving forward.
Something to think about
She also wrote that since we have requested a girl, it will be "months, yet" before we receive a referral. If we were open to a boy, however, the referral would be almost immediate. What to do . . .
Well, you know how I like to analyze!
I love having a son. When I was pregnant, I thought Luca was a girl. I wasn't really sure what I would do with a boy. I didn't even think it was possible for me to have a boy. Then there he was in all of his boy glory. I have never wanted anything to be different.
We requested a girl because we have a boy. Having one of each seems like - well - nature, I guess. I also thought that having one of each gender would curtail the competition.
But, if adopting is simply about having another child to love and care for, what does gender matter? What do you think?
11 comments:
I think it depends on what you want...and are you in a hurry, or not.
The same argument could be made for getting a child sooner, or later.
I'm in the same boat as you are. I love my son with all my heart. I love having a boy. He is so much fun and he's a Momma's boy. However, if i have the choice to "pick", i would like to experience having a daughter. I am a girly girl. I love shopping, tea parties, and shoes. I would love to have a daughter to share some of those things with. If I were to become pregnant again, I would not care if I had a son or a daughter.
However, since I am not pregnant, and I am allowed to choose, then I want to choose a girl because I want to experience that. Some say I am crazy...when she gets to be a teenager i'll be pulling my hair out. :) However, I have already dealt with a teenager and surived. My stepdaughter was 12 when I met her, and full of teenage angst, among other things.
I think either way you go, you can't go wrong. I would love a boy just as much as I'd love a girl. Yes, i could travel sooner for a boy, but really, when I looked at that ,I'm not in a hurry. It's not a race. I have a busy life and lots to fill my time. I'm enjoying my freedom now, because I know it will be harder with a baby again.
It's such a personal decision-and like I said, you can't go wrong with a girl or a boy. They're both wonderful and very different!
I teach Sunday school and I am loving the little girls since we decided to adopt a lil girl. I notice them a lot more now, but then again, I have little boys that are my buddies that give me special smiles and hugs that I wouldn't trade for the world.
Boy, girl, doens't matter. Just depends on what you want, and if waiting a few months longer is ok with you! :)
(sorry, i rambled here)
Why not say you are open to either and just wait and see what happens? I agree with Susan about it depending on what you want. That said if I were able to choose again, I would pick another boy! :)
Angela
I know the predicament you are in. I too was told if I wanted a boy I could have left months ago, yes before the holidays, but as a single woman I felt it would be easier for me to raise a daughter on my own(or until I met my husband). Sometimes I do wonder if I made a selfish decision, but in my heart of hearts I know a girls is for me. I am open if something should happen when I get there, must be flexible in this process.
Sorry ramblign..if your not in a rush then wait for what you yearn for, but if you are open then like gretchen said let someone else make the decision.
Sandi
That's a tough one...and I believe only you guys can make the decision. In the beginning you made the decision to adopt a girl and something made you feel that way. It's tough when your given the option a second time after you already made the decision a firt time. Fortunately in Kaz, boy or girl adoptions aren't taking nearly as long as other countries. I have no doubt you'll figure it out and all will end well. good luck!
I think you have to do whatever feels right for you. If you have your heart set on a girl then wait, but if you don't and could see yourself with a boy then go for it. I wouldn't do something just because adoption is supposed to be about .....whatever. You are a human being not a martyr. Human beings have desires and it is okay to have specific feelings about things .... even adoption. Don't deny your feelings...that would be my strongest advice...when we go against what we truly feel that is when we get ourselves in the most trouble. All you have to do is be honest with yourself about how you truly feel (no one will quiz you) and I think it is okay to say that in fact you want a girl - if that is the case. And it is okay to examine your true feelings and say that you really feel fine with a boy too.
Ooh, good question. The way you stated it, makes it so very difficult to answer. I've always struggled not with the gender, but how much special needs to consider, again for the same reason. If a child is what's important, why should the rest matter? I don't get to choose in womb, why should I get to choose now? I know, that's not the same thing. But it is in a way. It's still a choice.
Just to play devil's advocate, I could offer the argument, "You've researched this and planned this. You've grown your daughter in your heart all these months. Why give all of that up for short term gratification?" Short term gratification being a baby in your arms sooner, NOTHING else implied.
Such tough choices! Congratulations about being out of translation too! Very cool.
I think (and this is just my opinion) that it would be cool to have one of each because you have had the experience of both genders. and that would be nice for down the road (when your little one grows up, you know, prom with a girl, weddings for a girl, babies with a girl...etc etc). it would be far easier to have 2 of the same gender (all those things of luca's that you can recycle. But you have already prepped luca for a girl and hes probably all into that plus all this extra wait time you can save money, increase vacation time at work, spend more one on one time with luca. In my opinion, stick with your gut. and your gut originally said girl....good things come to those who wait right? (i agree with everything Susan said too about experiencing stuff with a girl) (and Sandi about why shes getting a girl) (and jennifer m about the short term gratification) i am reading as I type, sorry!
In the end you have to do what is best and right for you....follow your heart. I know that sounds so silly and cliche, but that is what I really think.
I was in the same situation, we requested a girl, but bcs of so many delays, we are now ready for either gender. For us it will be the first child, and we know we are going to have a second one.
You are the only one who can answer this question. If in your heart you want a girl, I think is well worthed to wait, few more months are nothing.
I agree, tough one! We have a son from Kazakhstan and went through the same questions when deciding gender for #2. I really enjoy our son and would love for him to have a brother, but it ultimately came down to this will probably be our last adoption and we'd like both a girl and a boy, so we're going to wait for the girl. If God blesses us with a "surprise" later down the road then I know we'll be happy with either.
Either way, have faith that the child that is meant to be a part of your family, will find his/her way to you. Good luck with your decision.
I'm glad your documents are out of translation. I think that, regardless of what decision you make, you will be glad to have made it once you're united your child. You will be unable to imagine life without him/her.
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