Frus-ta-ratedThis is how Luca says "frustrated." That's what I am definitely feeling right now. Everything is half-done, in between, not quite.
Today I finished When Things Fall Apart, which I loved for a multitude of reasons. One of the most important ones is that Buddhism seems to be a spiritual practice to which I can most relate. I have not been too terribly sure about religion for a long, long time. I found it too simplistic to say that there is no order to the universe, there is no spiritual dimension, yet I could not embrace any organized religion.
In this book, Pema Chodron, the Abbot of a Tibetan Buddhist Abby in Canada, suggests that things do and will and should fall apart and feel chaotic. And people are better served if they don't push away these experiences and feelings that accompany the experiences. She suggests feeling whatever you feel and by doing this you are being kind to yourself. If you are kinder to yourself, you will be kinder to others. So much of what she wrote about applies to my life right at this moment.
In almost exactly 3 weeks, we are getting on a plane and flying to Kazakhstan to meet our daughter. And, right now, things feel like they are falling apart . . . or have fallen apart and are not going to be put back together any time soon.
At this very moment, I am frus-ta-rated by the falling apart. I am trying to FEEL the frustration rather than push it away :). We were out of town, which I will cover in a later post, and I expected to come back to some lovely blue & orange FedEx envelopes with Apostilled documents. No luck. I also received a letter from our mortgage company that said they would get to our request for verification in - OH - 20 days (see above - 3 weeks!).
We haven't booked our tickets. We haven't purchased gifts. Everything else feels like it is scattered in the wind. Will it come back together again?
It did for Susan, right?! I am so happy for the amazing Serra Family who has met their newest member, the impish Leeza! Congratulations, Susan, Joe & Sean! And, Regina has Milo full-time now.
This is all good! Everything comes together in the end!
12 comments:
Oh wow! I knew something was up, but I had no clue. Youch!
I don't think this will take away any of the frus-ta-ration :-) but I can honestly tell you that the entire month before we were ready to leave, felt like one big hell hole. I even remember waking one morning asking God to just please take me out 'cause I couldn't handle any more. :-)
But it came together. Somehow it does. I dunno. Shear force of will?
I wish I could do something to help. Fly down there. Rattle the mortgage company's cage. If you give me your credit card, I'll buy tickets. Just don't be suprised to see an extra passenger tagging along with you. :-)
I hope you are able to breathe soon!
Keep your eyes on the prize!!!
Just think in a month from now you will know your daughter & she will know you. It is soooo exciting!!!
Everything has a price but just think you have almost made it to the finish line. All the waiting, working,& even frustration will be a distant memory in just 3 weeks!!!!!!
Take some deep yoga breaths girl. It will ALL come togetehr. You can get SO MUCH done in 3 weeks. The mortgage company will come thru.
2 days before we left, we were still waiting on DCF clearance for our updated homestudy...waiting 6 weeks. Guess what, they "lost it". Had to get it done again, they redid it right away, and got it done.
good thing, because we heard today our agency is closing it's doors in 2 weeks.
We are fine because we are done with them stateside,and the people here are incredible....but still...talk about gettin in under the wire.
There is a master plan for your family...and you are following.
Saskia is waiting...and when you get here, it's surreal, magical, and incredible. Shannon put it best, it's like falling down the rabbit hole!!
You will be well taken care of. It's really cool. you will be fine.
PROMISE.
i can even check blogs now.
PRAISE YAYWEH! have faith my friend. :)
HUGS to you!!!
Leeza is ready to hear about Saskia already. :)
I can relate to being frustrated. We're down to the wire here and madly trying to update EVERYTHING. We're close and don't know if it can all be done?
But somehow I think, as we've seen before....things will work out. For us and for you :)
Eileen
Angela
It definitely all comes together. Just take some deep breathes.
I'm praying and thinking about you guys, once your on that plane you will have a huge sense of calm
Sandi
Yes - everything will come together in the end. It is very stressful until you land back in the USA with your daughter but the ups and downs make the journey. They are all worth it and you will be able to handle them all.
How many books will you pack? :-) I had 5, it wasn't enough.
That is one of my favorite books of all time. It is right here with me now. I have read it over and over again. On the way home from Kaz, we met a couple who named their daughter Pema!!! Yes, for that reason!
And things do fall apart. And then we have a chance to put them back together again in an entirely new, better way. So....it is brutally hard to tolerate it, but there you go. I agree completely with just letting your feelings be there and trying to embrace them. This is a scary, hard time in ways that only we - your fellow-adoptive-families - understand. We are all with you 100% and know you will get there and meet your child and all will go well..even though it will be scary and frustrating and all of that stuff!
xoxoxo
Hi there! Hey as far as the gifts for caregivers go after having traveled I can tell you that cold hard cash is the best. There is a variety of ladies who take care of the kids...in Karina's group there were 10 caregivers all together. Several were of the babooshka variety with kerchiefs on their heads, flip flops and socks on their feet and dressed in house coats...at the other side of the spectrum was a caregiver or two that was clearly in her early 20's and young pretty and hip. I brought make up bags stuffed with make up items and at the last minute put in 2000 tenge into each make up bag. If I had to do it over again I would have just given them each a nice card with about 2500 tenge in it. Then they could get what they want - use it for silly stuff or food, whatever. And I also found really nice glass candy bowls for the director of the baby house and the ministry of education at one of the little malls there. The same candy dish here would have cost $45 here that cost me $18 there.
It will come together because it has to. So feel the frustration and allow it to fuel you forward. We're all rooting for you.
Karen
P.S. I spent way too much time fretting about gifts. I agree with Amy—tenge does go a long way over there.
Sending virtual HUGS to you!
More later on gifts via email if you want.
Like others, I want to help, I really really want to help, so let me know how I can. Really. Really.
Shannon
I agree. Feel the frus-ta-ration, let it out so you feel better, and everything will come together in the end.
So many things in this process -- and after you get to Kaz -- are frus-ta-rating! But let me tell you, if I could get everything (well, everything important) done and out of the house in 48 hours after The Call, ANYONE can! I agree, it will all come together somehow.
Meeting little Saskia will make all these frustrations disappear!
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