Monday, November 17, 2008

Coming Up on 4 Weeks

Hanging with Dad wearing a sweater my friend Stacey knitted for her


How could that be?

Sorry for the lack of any significant post. Things are going well. Alia is settling in and seems more and more comfortable every day.

I love this photo of her on the plane sitting next to Grandma Jean

Sleeping
Alia is sleeping like a champ. It seems like that is the most common question I get from people - especially other moms. She did not get a lot of sleep on the flights over. They arrived home in the evening. Scott handed her over to me at the airport and she fell asleep almost immediately. She slept all the way home and through the night that first night. She usually sleeps from 8 to 8 with a morning nap (where she is right now) and an afternoon nap. Alia does seem to sleep a lot. Luca did too. I think he was well over 1 before he gave up his morning nap and continued to take an afternoon nap until this summer. But, Alia is also used to spending most of her time in a crib in a hospital where I am sure she did a lot of sleeping. I have also read that babies who are adopted are grieving their old life and overwelmed by their new to a degree, so they sleep to cope.

Yogurt on the first morning home wearing a really cute outfit from Aunt Nicole



Eating
Alia started regularly eating solids when she came home. I cannot believe how quickly she took to being fed with a spoon. She is even learning how to pick up her own food and put it in her mouth (with limited success, but she is getting there). Her pincer grasp is getting better and better.

Last night she ate lentil minestrone that had not been pureed. She easily gums most solids. She has also had kale potato frittata and whole green beans. I continue to be amazed that she doesn't shy away from different textures and seems to have no swallowing issues. She has about 3 bottles of formula a day as well. I am not sure what she weighs now - she was 18 lb while we were visiting her and 20 lb in Almaty. We have not been to the doctor yet. We have an appointment with our pediatrician and FACES adoption clinic in St. Louis next month.

Play
Alia has been clapping the last few days. It is so cute because she basically just hits the back of one hand with the palm of her other. But, she does it so earnestly. She sits on a play mat and sticks most toys in her mouth. She does seem to prefer this big stuffed spider she had with her in Kazakhstan. She also enjoys her exersaucer and Baby Einstein DVDs. Luca also loves these and picks out which one they watch together.

Scott is convinced she has book preferences - Boynton books are in, Jamberry is out.

We have taken some walks and she also likes to do housework with me strapped in the Baby Bjorn.




Grandpa Andy and Grandma Annetta holding Alia for the first time

Emotional Development
The first few weeks Alia was home she seemed anxious and pensive. Her happy babble disappeared and was replaced by a whine. I have to admit that was hard for me to cope with. She was home - I wanted her to be content. I know in my mind that of course she is going to be anxious. How could she not be? But, my heart still hurt for both of us.

Every day she becomes more and more comfortable with us. There are increasingly more smiles. The last week or so she has taken to yelling and squealing happily.

There have been some really difficult moments like this past Saturday night. My mom and stepfather were in town to see us, so Scott and I decided we would put Alia to bed and go out to celebrate our anniversary. Well, she wasn't completely asleep when we left and was basically up with my mom the whole time we were gone. Alia kept it together when she was with my mom, but she refused to go to sleep. When we got home, she just lost it. She was crying so hard that I was scared. She threw up several times because she was so upset. On top of this she has a cold. Anyway, we did not need a trip to the emergency room - which I thought about - in the end. We got her to settle down and go to sleep, but it was scary and traumatic. In retrospect, we should have made sure she was completely asleep when we left. I also realized she had a long day full of new people and stimulus and she was just completely overwelmed. Scott aptly described her state of mind as fragile. We are her constant source of security. When we aren't there she must feel like she is free falling through space with nothing to hang onto.

Overall, she seems to be doing pretty well. All of this is a process - creating bonds, deepening our love and attachment. I just have to remember that.

Big Brother
Luca has been amazing. He genuinely loves Alia and being a big brother. He remains his happy-go-lucky self. "Alia cute! Alia funny!" is a constant refrain of his. I asked him how he felt about Alia being home last night and he said "Good!, but I want to feed her more."

Since we decided not to take him to Kazakhstan with us, I was worried about how he would react when we dropped a little sister into his life. We talked about the adoption, but the physical presence of a growing pregnant belly wasn't there to remind him every day. He had been an only child for so long . . . I wondered how he would do sharing the spotlight. So far, so good.

Thanks for the emails checking on us. I plan to write back soon! Also I will add photos later - Scott has the camera right now.

16 comments:

babsinatl said...

Oh my goodness. My heart just breaks for little Alia still, but you will pull through this...each day a little better, a little less fearful. Maybe a set back or two. Don't we all feel like we are free falling sometimes? Some days I yearn for the ability to express myself through vomit...

Susan said...

Ah, that's a sad story about Alia. Poor girl. (And poor mom and dad.)

It gets better and better, you wouldn't believe it. I remember our first month home--I remember thinking to myself "I'm not sure I can do this". And then, somewhere along the way it stopped seeming hard and started seeming fun. Hang in there!

Oh, and can I have that kale potato frittata recipe?

Jennifer said...

Wow, a month home already? I seem to be saying that a lot lately.

You have such a great perspective and heart. The emotional piece just keeps getting better and better, but I do remember the whining. Oh that was tough! The first time she cried so hard she threw up TERRIFIED me. I didn't know what was going on at first, and I thought she was having a seizure, convulsing, choking, her body was shutting down... all at the same time. Horrible.

It sounds like she won't be losing those adorable cheeks though with all that good, solid food!

I'm so glad Luca is such a good brother. New siblings take a lot of patience and understanding, and that says a lot about his character and maturity that he wants to feed her as opposed to dumping the food ON her! :-)

Susan said...

Alia's life has changed so very drastically-from being in an isolated hospital situation to being in a family-that is huge! I am so sorry that she stressed out so much when you went out to dinner.
we have not left Leeza yet-but next saturday night we've invited to a party and one of my best freinds is watching her. It starts at 7, I know i will want to leave by 9 to come home and put her to bed.

I knew Luca would be a great big brother. Although we've never met, he reminds me a great deal of Sean, maybe just because they're both sweet boys, close to their mom's, and only children before now. I'm proud of Luca-he is young himself and to be so accepting of a new lil "limelight" speaks so well of him and of you guys.

I'm so glad she's eating so well. Leeza is older and has 8 teeth-and eats anything and everything. I'm not much of a cook-but thank goodness for v8 soups and organic snacks and veggies and yogurt. I dont even by the yo baby anymore cuz she eats 2 in a meal, I just buy the whole milk Stonyfield yogurt for her since she can down a big container no problem. :)

Love to hear she is feeding herself and even clapping-wow-huge strides for a girl who just learned to sit up on her own!

Leeza just started walking-so cute-but it wears her out. She slept until 9:30 yesterday morning-I had to go check on her cuz i was worried! :)

Patrick & Eileen said...

Hello Angela,
I am taking the time to write while Audrey is still sleeping. I know she'll be up soon.

Even though it is so difficult at times it's nice to know that others feel the same way or even wonder if they could really handle this. I'm having those moments here and I don't feel so alone as a mom now.

I'm glad to see that things are going well - other than the night she cried herself sick.

Thinking of you and wishing your family well.

Ahhhh....Audrey seems to be up now!
Eileen

Shannon and Brian said...

Angela, I have been following along on your journey. What a great story!! I couldn't wait to log in each day.

Alia will get more comfy each and every day. Isabella bonded to me first...then to Brian. Now she is such a daddy's girl.

I think it helps with bonding to have the big brother, too, or in my case big brothers...just gives them something a little more their size.

Y'all will be great!!!! Just love that baby to pieces!!

Shannon

Anonymous said...

Angela, thanks for the post, i've been waiting! It will get so much better - Alexa does the same thing when she is just beyond freaking out, she pukes (she's done it only twice) but doesn't your heart just die as a mommy to see her so upset? I've only had one babysitting night where she was already asleep and thank goodness she stayed asleep - Alia is so cute and I can't wait to hear how things settle down.
Shannon
p.s. okay I am definitely not mother of the year - while Alia eats kale something-or-other Alexa eats dinosaur chicken nuggets and tater tots. I'm not making fun of you, I'm so jealous I can't be that creative and industrious in the kitchen!!
hugs!!!!

April said...

You guys have been through so much! I'm sure the bonding stages has it's hurdles and rewards~I haven't been through it so I won't pretend to know what it is like.

I hope that she continues to bond and feel more and more at ease and comfortable with you guys. Some day, these trials of bonding will be behind you and you will just "be". I look forward to that day for you and for Alia.

In the meantime, enjoy her babyhood. It goes so quickly! I'm so happy for you all. (((hugs)))
April

Karen said...

Great post. I would've been scared too with all her crying and vomiting. Poor sweet dear. So much for such a little baby. She goes from a life in a crib to all this stimuli, it's no wonder she can keep anything down. Thank goodness she has a big brother to keep her company. That will make all the difference in the world. (It's one of the things I wish Garrett had.)

Keep up the good work mama!

Kim said...

Awww love the new photos. Noah and Josh have the big brother book to! So cute!

Susan said...

ok so glad i checked back for pictures.
she is sooooooooooooooooooo adorable,and I love seeing Luca with his big brother book. :)

I just got 5 huge bags of "hand me downs" for Leeza-seriosly..just like the movie-she has 27 dresses....and like 9 pairs of jeans? and like 12 pairs of capri's? I am not sure she can wear all this...LOL
what size is Alia?
maybe she can use some of the stuff if Leeza goes thru a growth spurt. Leeza is wearing 12 mos,but they are a lil big, and 9 mos still fits. Most of the clothes i got were 12 months-all look brand new.

Luca is so handsome and she is so pretty-you are so blessed-and so are they -with such great parents. I'm so happy for you!

Oh-as a fellow book lover--we got 2 great new books-Lllama Llama red pajama and Llama llama MAD AT MAMA-do you have those? sean and I crack up. Leeza will not sit still to read books-she will let me read to her while on the potty-but only 2 pages-then hands me another book.

sean let me read to him at a very young age-but Leeza is like, oh no, too much to do and explore..sorry mom. :)

so funny how they're so differnet. I'm like WHOA No way,sit here, we are reading..as she crawls away and waves bye bye as she rounds the corner...

Jennifer said...

I'm glad I checked back in. I love the photos! She is one adorable baby. I absolutely CAN NOT WAIT! to see her grow into toddlerhood.

annetta said...

Dear Angela & Scott,
We had such a wonderful time on our visit. Alia is a beautiful little girl and we are so happy to have her here finally. It is such a joy to see you all together as a family. Thanks you so much for bringing both Luca and Alia in to our lives, we are truly blessed.
Mom

Matthew Ruley said...

Everything seems to be going well. So sorry to hear about her trauma about you two going out. So sad!

Alysa said...

I am WAY behind on my blog stalking! Alia sounds like she is doing great, despite the crying til she vomited incident. I haven't had that experience, but had the breath-holding instead. Scary stuff, either way.

I can't believe she took to solids so easily! That's great! We're having food issues here and it is FRUSTRATING!

So happy things are going well. It is amazing that we are both hitting that 4 weeks home milestone. Amazing!

Tracy said...

She is still one of the prettiest babies I have ever seen! I am glad things are coming along so well. She seems very happy in the picutres.

I am glad it was "just a cookie" thing with brother....

Tracy